Star Trek: Voyager (TV Series)

Message in a Bottle (1998)

Andy Dick: EMH-2 Dr. Bradley

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Doctor : How did you manage to release the neurozine? I never opened the ventilation system.

  EMH #2 : Trapped in the Jefferies tube, alone, nowhere to run, his smug comrade captured by Romulans, EMH Mark II had to improvise. Inspiration! He accessed the main computer and simulated a ship-wide bio-hazard, making the computer think there was a micro-biotic contamination on all decks.

  The Doctor : [understanding]  And the ventilation system opened automatically.

  EMH #2 : Presto! He then crawled back out of the tube, accessed the holo-emitters, transferred here, excused the Romulan, saw the dumbfounded look on his comrade's face...

  The Doctor : The end! You know, you really should keep a personal log. Why bore others needlessly?

• The Doctor : The warbirds are in retreat! Doctor, we've done it!

  EMH #2 : Two holograms alone, Romulans on one side, Starfleet on the other, alarms beeping everywhere!

  The Doctor : EMH Mark II, newborn, but filled with courage.

  EMH #2 : EMH Mark I, armed with years of experience.

  The Doctor : Together they emerged triumphant.

  EMH #2 : The End.

  [computer beeps] 

  EMH #2 : Or not.

• The Doctor : Stop breathing down my neck!

  EMH #2 : My breathing is merely a simulation.

  The Doctor : So is my neck. Stop it anyway!

• EMH #2 : Have you run a self-diagnostic lately? The EMH Mark I is designed to function in sickbay only.

  The Doctor : Voyager lost its Chief Medical Officer four years ago. I've been active ever since.

  EMH #2 : Four years? No wonder you're delusional.

• The Doctor : [having sent EHM Mark-2 to tactical]  What are you waiting for? Shoot!

  [EHM Mark-2 looks about] 

  The Doctor : Shoot!

  EMH #2 : There are so many controls.

  The Doctor : Find the one that says 'fire' and push it!

• The Doctor : Three more ships are approaching.

  EMH #2 : We're doomed!

  The Doctor : No. They're Starfleet!

  [Prometheus is rocked by a phaser hit] 

  EMH #2 : What are they doing?

  The Doctor : Firing on us!

  EMH #2 : They must think Romulans are on board!

  The Doctor : They're right!

• EMH #2 : I'm a doctor, not a commando.

• EMH #2 : [haughtily]  Yes! Yes, yes, yes. You're the Mark I EMH, the inferior program.

  The Doctor : [indignantly]  Inferior?

  EMH #2 : Beady eyes, terrible bedside manner. I recognize you.

• The Doctor : [on the bridge of the Starship Prometheus]  I've had my share of piloting experience. Actually, only two lessons - and they were in a shuttlecraft, on the holodeck - but I showed great intuition.

  The Doctor : [looks around, puzzled]  Where's the helm?

  EMH #2 : You'd better intuit it fast. We're only about eight minutes from the Romulan border.

• EMH #2 : Doctor, some... thing just went offline.

  The Doctor : Specifically?

  EMH #2 : The secondary gyrodyne relays in the propulsion field intermatrix have depolarized.

  The Doctor : In English!

  EMH #2 : I'm just reading what it says here.

• [Romulan warbirds approach the Prometheus] 

  EMH #2 : My brilliant existence cut short, no time to explore the universe, no time to smell the roses, no time for... sex.

• The Doctor : I'm as close to a sentient life-form as any hologram could hope to be. I socialize with the crew, fraternize with aliens. I've even had sexual relations.

  EMH #2 : Sex? How's that possible? We're not equipped...

  The Doctor : Let's just say, I made an addition to my program.

  EMH #2 : Before you leave, maybe you could download those subroutines into my database.

  The Doctor : We'll see.

• The Doctor : Now, I need to know more about what's happening. Is the Federation at war with the Romulans?

  EMH #2 : No. The Romulans haven't gotten involved in our fight with the Dominion.

  The Doctor : The who?

  EMH #2 : Long story.

• [the EMH-2 fires a torpedo, which ends up hitting a Federation Defiant-class ship] 

  The Doctor : You hit the wrong ship!

  EMH #2 : It wasn't my fault!

  The Doctor : Well, then, whose fault was it, the torpedo's? You're supposed to tell it what to do!

• EMH #2 : [once activated by the Doctor]  What the hell are you doing in my sickbay?

• The Doctor : Refresh my memory. Which of us has the terrible bedside manner?

  EMH #2 : You're not my patient.

  The Doctor : My first bit of good news.

• [the Doctor and the EMH #2 desperately try to deal with three Romulan warbirds surrounding them] 

  Sub-Commander Almak : This is the Warbird T'Met calling the Prometheus. Commander Rekar, respond. Commander.

  The Doctor : [adopting a deep voice]  This is the Prometheus.

  Sub-Commander Almak : Activate your viewscreen.

  The Doctor : Our viewscreen is not operational. We've had some trouble with Starfleet commandos.

  Sub-Commander Almak : Where is Rekar?

  The Doctor : In the medical bay. He's suffered minor injuries.

  Sub-Commander Almak : Identify yourself.

  EMH #2 : [to the Doctor, whispering]  You first.

  The Doctor : You first.

  Sub-Commander Almak : Repeat your last statement. I don't understand.

  The Doctor : State YOUR identity.

  Sub-Commander Almak : This is Sub-Commander Almak. Lower your shields and prepare to be boarded.

  The Doctor : They're already down. Maybe there's something wrong with your sensor readings. You'd better not try to transport until we can be sure it's safe.

  Sub-Commander Almak : Lower your shields immediately or I'll open fire.

  The Doctor : Immediately? Yes. Prometheus out.

  [as the Doctor ends communication. the Romulans start firing]