Quotes

Grandma's Kisses/Squidville

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Squidward: SpongeBob, this is the final straw. I am going to move so far away, that I would be able to brag about it. I would...
[a rock falls on his head]
Squidward: I would rather tear out my brain stem, carry it into the middle of the nearest four-way intersection and skip rope with it than go on living where I do now.
Man on TV: Hi there! Is this the final straw? Do you want to move so far away that you can brag about it? Would you rather tear out your brain stem, walk out into the nearest three-way...
Squidward: Four-way.
Man on TV: Four-way intersection and skip rope with it than continue living where you do now?

Patrick: You're a man now, SpongeBob, and it's time you started acting like one.
SpongeBob: Yeah! Oh, but I'm not sure I know how.
Patrick: Allow me to demonstrate. First, puff out your chest.
[SpongeBob puffs out his chest]
Patrick: Now say, "tax exemption."
SpongeBob: Tax exemption.
Patrick: Now you must develop a taste for free-form jazz.
[Both listen intently to jazz music]
Patrick: Okay, you're ready.

Squidward: SpongeBob, this is the final straw. I am going to move so far away, that I would be able to brag about it. I would...
[a rock falls on his head]
Squidward: I would rather tear out my brain stem, carry it into the middle of the nearest four-way intersection and skip rope with it than go on living where I do now.
Man on TV: Hi there! Is this the final straw? Do you want to move so far away that you can brag about it? Would you rather tear out your brain stem, walk out into the nearest three-way...
Squidward: Four-way.
Man on TV: Four-way intersection and skip rope with it than continue living where you do now?

SpongeBob SquarePants: [throwing a tantrum] I don't wanna grow up! I want cookies! And milkie! I want a sweater with love in the stitches! I wanna wear diadeys! I wanna ride in my wagon! I wanna cuddle-wuddle with Mr. Stuffykins! I wanna rocky-rock on my seahorsey! And I want kissy-kissy on MY boo-boo!
[throws himself down on his grandma's floor and sobs]

Squidward: [miserable] Yep, this is great... Might as well rename this town Squidward's Paradise... Or perhaps too much paradise...
[He rests his head on his hands]

SpongeBob SquarePants: [hugging the wrong Squidward] Squidward, we finally found you!
Squid: Get off me, and I'm not Squidward!
Patrick: [after a small pause] Are you Squidward now?

SpongeBob SquarePants: [to Patrick as Squidward runs past] That looked like Squidward!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [an angry crowd runs past] That looked like Squidward also! In angry mob form!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward, you're steaming. You're like a steamed vegetable, only smarter.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Wow, everyone's in a good mood today.
Squidward: I love bursting your bubble, SpongeBob. They're laughing at you, not with you.

Man with clarinet: What's going on over here?
Squidette: It's that guy! He's playing with the reef blower!
Man with clarinet: Playing... with the reef blower? That's the most childish thing I've ever heard of!
Squidward: But it's fun!
[the man guffaws]
Man with clarinet: How could you possibly have fun with those oversized hair dryers?
Squidward: Like this!
[He sucks away the man's clarinet]
Man with clarinet: Ahh! Give it back!
[Squidward fires the clarinet right back in the man's face]

Squidward: Grievances? This town is a grievance! There should be a law against so many stuck-up tightwads living in one place! This city needs to be destroyed! Or at least painted a different color.

Squidward: Heaven at last...
[while looking around in wonder, Squidward crashes into a man walking in the other direction]
Man in purple sweater: I've seem more alert people in a retirement home!
Squidward: Oh, which way to the living room on a brain seminar? Don't be late!
Man in purple sweater: I've heard better comebacks from a turkey sandwich.
[He storms off]
Man in purple sweater: Get a life!
[Squidward narrows his eyes at the man, then smiles ecstatically]
Squidward: This place is better than I expected!

Fish: Hey, it's grandma's boy! Kushy-kushy-kushy!
[everybody erupt in laughter]
SpongeBob SquarePants: No, you're wrong! There's nothing wrong with getting kisses with your grandma!
Fish: No, especially if you're a big baby who wears diapers!
[everybody laughs again]
Fish: And sucks his thumb, and plays with dolls, and umm...
[everyone stops laughing and start staring at him]
Fish: ... wears pajamas with feet in them, and carries his, umm, blankie around, and...
Customers: [yelling] All right already!

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