- Giant Douche: We've got spirit, yes we do; Giant Douches me and you!
- Turd Sandwich: We've got spirit, yes we do; we are sandwiches filled with poo!
- PETA Member: But Stan, don't you know? It's always between a giant douche and a turd sandwich. Nearly every election since the beginning of time has been between some douche and some turd. They're the only people who suck up enough to make it that far in politics.
- Stan Marsh (Spanish Dubbing): I learned that I'd better get used to having to pick between a douche and a turd sandwich, because it's usually the choice I'll have.
- Wendy: But aren't Indians and Redskins just as offensive?
- Mr. Garrison: No, those are fine. PETA doesn't care about people.