South Park (TV Series)
Cartmanland (2001)
Matt Stone: Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, Priest, Lawyer #1, Lawyer #2, Jimbo Kern, Priest Maxi, Gerald Broflovski, Butters Stotch, Money Quest Presenter #2, Ticket Salesman, Frank Garron
Quotes
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Kyle Broflovski : What the hell are you doing, fatass?
Eric Cartman : Not much, just taking my *one million dollars* out of the bank.
[holds up a stack of banknotes]
Stan Marsh : [short silence] Oh, my God. Kenny *wasn't* lying!
Eric Cartman : Would you mind stepping aside, I got a purchase to make.
Stan Marsh : Dude, can you loan me twenty bucks for a new jacket?
Eric Cartman : Ha! If you need money you can get a job, Stan! No freeloaders are gonna take my hard-earned cash!
Kyle Broflovski : Your grandmother left it to you, you didn't *earn* it!
Eric Cartman : Didn't earn it? What about all the years I spent making grandma like me? All the wet, spit-filled kisses I put up with! The constant smell of aspirin and pee! Don't tell me I didn't earn it, you son of a bitch!
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Kyle Broflovski : Then I was right. Jobe has all his children killed, and Michael Bay gets to keep making movies. There isn't a God.
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Stan Marsh : [Stan and Kyle are playing with a Jennifer Lopez doll] There you are, Jennifer Lopez! You've been most uncooperative, Miss Lopez!
Kyle Broflovski : No! Please! I promise I'll never make another album OR movie!
Stan Marsh : It's too late for that, Miss Lopez!
Kyle Broflovski : Have mercy!
[They blow up the doll]
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[Kyle is in the hospital with an infected hemorrhoid]
Stan Marsh : Dude, you okay?
Kyle Broflovski : Oh, I'm swell, Stan. I popped my hemorrhoid trying to climb the fence into Cartmanland and it got infected. I really need to go to the bathroom, but if I do, it will pop again and the pain will make me pass out. How are you?
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Kyle : Michael Bay gets to keep making movies and Cartman gets his own theme park; there is no God.
