South Park (TV Series)

Butters' Very Own Episode (2001)

Matt Stone: Butters Stotch, Journalist #1, Police Chief, John Ramsey, O.J. Simpson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Butter's Dad : Son, sometimes it's OK to tell a little white lie. Like when you catch your father jacking off in a gay men's bath house.

  Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : Oh okay. Who's Jack?

• Butters : [reporting to his mother what he saw when he spied on his father, who was on gay escapades]  Yeah, and then he went wrestling.

  Mrs. Stotch : Wrestling?

  Butters : Yeah, he wasn't very good, this one guy had him pinned for 15 minutes straight.

  [Mrs. Stotch faints] 

  Butters : Have a good trip? See you next fall.

• Butters : Will I eventually get to South Park if I follow this road?

  Hick Gas Station Mechanic : Dat road leads to Conifer. You want ta go to South Park you gotta go down dat road.

  [scary road, lighting, ominous music] 

  Hick Gas Station Mechanic : Course I ain't never seen anyone go up that road. Six years ago a group of campers went out dere and got lost, had to eat each other to stay alive. Used to be da way to da O'Reilly house, he butchered over 50 children and kept der bodies in his cellar. But you should find an old bridge 'bout half way up. Dat bridge is cursed, ya know. Dey built it with the bones of 200 Chinese laborers who were massacred in '34. Ya, a lot of history on dat road.

  Butters : Well, it's my parents' anniversary tomorrow, and they're gonna be awful sad if I'm not there with them.

  Hick Gas Station Mechanic : Well, good luck den.

  [Butters walks away] 

  Butters : Oh, jeez.

  Hick Gas Station Mechanic : ...or is South Park down dat road?

• Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : [Final lines]  Gee, I wish I didn't know all that stuff. I guess I learned that sometimes, lying *can* be for the best.

  [Forces a smile] 

  Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : Oh well, when I get to Bennigan's and have a blue-cheese chipotle burger, I'll forget all about my - my dad bein' queer and my mom tryin' to kill me.

  [Brightly] 

  Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : I'm gonna be okay!

  [Stan asks if he's really okay] 

  Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : Naw, I'm lyin'.

• [repeated lines] 

  Background Singers : Everyone knows it's Butters!

  Butters : That's me!

• Butters : I think that, yep, it looks like the car's filling up with water. Yeah, seems maybe now might be a good time to come back inside and drive, Mom.

• Butters : You know, I think the car might be moving, Mom. Yeah, I'm pretty sure the car's movin'. Looks like I'm heading for the water.

• Trucker : It's too bad you're not a broad, 'cause I need some Goddamn poontang

  Butters : Yeah. I could use some Goddamn poontang myself, right now.