- Junior Soprano: [watching 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' starring Larry David, whom he resembles] What am I doing on television?
- Junior Soprano: [showing early stages of dementia] What are you asking him for? He never had what it took to be a varsity athlete.
- Angelo Garepe: [confused] Your point being, Junior?
- Tony Soprano: [covering for him] Don't mind him, he's just breakin' balls.
- Janice Soprano: [Tony has just stormed out on a Sunday dinner] Uncle Jun, was that really necessary?
- Junior Soprano: He's a goddammned hothouse flower, that's his problem.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [having Sunday dinner, Tony is upset by a remark by Uncle Junior] Get your coat! We're leaving!
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano Jr.: I don't have a coat.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well, then get moving, goddamn it!
- Tony Soprano: Free spirit Janice! Rebel without a cause! While I sit here mired in her bullshit, trying to be a good son, while you're off dropping acid and blowing roadies!
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: [aghast] Roadies?
- Tony Soprano: Oh, you don't wanna know!
- Lorraine Calluzzo: No! Please! I'll suck your cock! All your cocks!
- Phil Leotardo: Suck our cocks?
- Lorraine Calluzzo: Yeah.
- Phil Leotardo: [to her boyfriend] She any good?... What am I askin' *you* for? You probably showed her how.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Just take your medicine, Uncle Jun'. Make you feel better. Help with your memory.
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: Believe me, there's plenty I'd like to forget.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah, you and me both.
- Salvatore 'Sal' Vitro: [regarding Feech] What did I ever do to this guy?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: They release these fucks from the can. Obviously, he wasn't rea-bull-ated.
- Tony Soprano: [to Janice during an argument] poor fuckin Janice, she's so fuckin depressed, poor fuckin Janice she can't get up off the couch because she's so fuckin tired from her Epstein-Barr. Poor fuckin Janice: stick it up your ass!
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: [to Tony and Janice] why don't we just calm down?
- Tony Soprano: [to Janice, referring to Bobby] you know what? Maybe you were the smart one because you got of here for a while but your hippie streak ran out and now your back and your gonna do to this man what you do to every one of them
- Janice Soprano: [before smacking Tony] fuckin piece of shit!
- Johnny 'Sack' Sacramoni: [During a meeting] what blows me is before when Little Carmine went to Florida, I was actually close with him. I was actually at his wedding party for Christ's sake. He organized this whole bachelor party: lesbian shows, whores fuckin disgusting, and then when he had that kid with that kid lung problem who do you think got him that doctor in Park Avenue?
- Tony Soprano: Water over the damn
- Christopher Moltisanti: I had no idea you two were that close
- Johnny 'Sack' Sacramoni: Close? We were like brothers
- Christopher Moltisanti: It's a shame you can't find a way to work things out
- Tony Soprano: [to Christopher, trying to prevent him from interfering] give me a piece of bread
- Christopher Moltisanti: Have you thought about this? Maybe you let him keep Lorraine and you take a bigger piece of the Florida shit: the clubs
- Johnny 'Sack' Sacramoni: If I wanted to worry about Florida, I'd move to fuckin Miami. You know it wasn't long ago I remember you used to wait in the car, as far as I'm concerned you should still be there
- Tony Soprano: [while getting dressed] what time is it?
- Christopher Moltisanti: Don't worry we'll take the tunnel
- Tony Soprano: Alright, this meeting we're trying to nail down this new contract now with Masserone gone
- Christopher Moltisanti: That office park by Troy Hills?
- Tony Soprano: Now, listen this is very important if any of this shit about Little Carmine and Johnny you clam up
- Christopher Moltisanti: You got it Tone
- Tony Soprano: [after picking up the phone] what?
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Tony, it's me listen, it's your uncle. His gone
- Tony Soprano: You mean his dead?
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: No, no, no, we think he might have wondered off. You know I didn't want to call you but it's been a couple hours now
- Tony Soprano: Fuck him
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: He said he was going to see Johnny, you think he might've meant your dad?
- Tony Soprano: What?
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: His wandering
- Tony Soprano: [Before hanging up] he could wander off the Palisades for all I care his fuckin dead to me
- Tony Soprano: [after leaving the meeting, shouting, pounding the steering wheel in anger] what the fuck did I say?
- Christopher Moltisanti: I'm sorry T, I just thought...
- Tony Soprano: Now I've got to un-fuck what you just fucked up, I've got to do something nice to John, like what? What the fuck am I suppose to do? You've got to understand this shit between Johnny and Little Carmine is bad: the instability but worse comes to worse, it could work to our advantage
- Christopher Moltisanti: How?
- Tony Soprano: If they fight we pick up any crumbs from the fallout. The odds are Johnny will end up on top but who knows? So keep your ears open and keep your mouth shut!
- Tony Soprano: Angelo Garepe came to see me, Lorraine Calluzzo reached out
- Johnny Sack: Fuckin twat, didn't you fuck her once?
- Tony Soprano: Yeah a million years ago, is nothing a secret? Obviously you want to maintain stability but having Phil Leotardo smack your shies around, is that the smartest thing?
- Johnny Sack: I've got to nip this Little Carmine shit in the bud otherwise I could see a lot of people start fuckin around. Power Vacuum the capos bide their time nobody's sure who to pay, so nobody get paid
- Tony Soprano: Alright, I hear you
- Tony Soprano: Nobody likes that cunt anyway. Always "whack this one whack that one", never enough body count for her. Fuck her let her taste her own medicine
- Tony Soprano: Alright, whatever
- Johnny Sack: I'll tell you something else: a large measure I blame you for this shit with Little Carmine
- Tony Soprano: What the fuck did I do?
- Johnny Sack: You legitimized it, man of your stature goes to Florida to see that schmuck
- Tony Soprano: Come on, we both agreed Little Carmine's an asshole but the fact is his got a following to his old man
- Johnny Sack: So?
- Tony Soprano: So, Angelo had an idea: his just "floating" this to keep the peace. What if there was a power sharing situation?
- Johnny Sack: Power sharing?
- Tony Soprano: You are all in charge equally but no major decisions can be made without the majority of two
- Johnny Sack: What the fuck?
- Tony Soprano: Hey, this way your not a big target for the Feds. Three other families have this kind of arrangement
- Johnny Sack: What's this? The UN now?
- Tony Soprano: Alright, forget it, forget I said it
- Johnny Sack: Fuck that!
- Tony Soprano: here we all are
- Angelo Garepe: right, I called you boys because Lorraine calls me and she said there's a "situation" in our family that's gotten out of hand with John and little Carmine
- Lorraine Calluzzo: fuckin Johnny: he wouldn't even let the maggots get on Carmine before his telling me to "kick up" direct to him
- Tony Soprano: the problem is Carmine never named his successor and we all assumed it'd be Johnny because his son's down in Miami with the discos and what not
- Angelo Garepe: [to Tony] his grabbing with both hands: John, "this" could get ugly there's a lot of "potential" for bloodshed
- Jason Evanina: [interrupting them] "potential?" They almost killed us
- Lorraine Calluzzo: Jason, men are talking here
- Angelo Garepe: [to Tony] now your close to John, do you have any ideas?
- Junior Soprano: [answering for Tony] What are you asking him for? He never even had the makings of a varsity athlete
- Angelo Garepe: Your point being what, Junior?
- Tony Soprano: [answering for Junior] no, forget it, he's just breakin balls. One thought I had, in the interest of harmony, maybe there could be a power sharing "situation"?
- Lorraine Calluzzo: the Sopranos have two bosses
- Junior Soprano: that's not all it's cracked up to be: believe you, me
- Tony Soprano: [to Junior] let's not get into "that" right now
- Tony Soprano: [to Angelo] What I was think was three bosses, like a "tri-umber thing", like Caesar: Little Carmine, Johnny, and you
- Angelo Garepe: I'm retired
- Tony Soprano: you were Carmine's consigliere for over thirty years, if it wasn't for that little construction beef down in Yonkers, it'd be you running that family today
- Angelo Garepe: things happen how they happen
- Tony Soprano: think about it: it doesn't have to be 9-5, you can still take your grandson to the park. Things get "heavy", your just another voice to "weigh in" and John still does better financially than he ever did under Carmine
- Tony Blundetto: What?
- Tony Soprano: I don't know, it's hard seeing you like this
- Tony Blundetto: What, working with a real job? Like I've been telling Feech, It's been a long strange trip
- Tony Soprano: Feech? Anyway, it's a luck of the draw that shit: it could've been just as easily as me that went away
- Tony Soprano: [after Tony B shrugs] Come on, I was gonna be there the night of the hijacking
- Tony Blundetto: It ain't like you came away totally un-scaved
- Tony Soprano: No, a couple of goons jumped me and cut my head open. I couldn't go, but still...
- Tony Blundetto: It could've killed you: ended up in the ER
- Tony Soprano: I got sixteen stiches, you got fifteen years
- Tony Blundetto: You were always a lucky fuck
- Tony Soprano: Well, that's not completely true, I got other sorrows
- Feech La Manna: [telling Tony his version of events, during a sit down, referring to Paulie] and then from nowhere, he cracks the one kid's head with a shovel, and the other one he knocks out of the tree
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [to Tony] he jumped out of the tree and came at me with a chainsaw, I got a right to defend myself, Tone
- Tony Soprano: [to Paulie] alright, take it easy, relax
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [referring to Vitro's lawn mowing business] Sal Vitro's been working the area since my ma was still working at Kresge's. I should be able to help out a kid from my own neighborhood
- Tony Soprano: [after thinking it over, to Feech, referring to Paulie] alright how about this? Vitro and your nephew will split the area, east of Dire is yours, west of Dire goes to him. For the broken arm, I don't know, give him five hundred bucks
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I already told the guy twelve
- Tony Soprano: there's fuckin compromises in life Paulie. Alright, make it a grand: pain and suffering. Naturally, I want my "taste", retroactively because this is the first time I've heard anything about this
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Thanks for seeing me
- Tony Soprano: What's on your mind?
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Honestly, I'll get right to the point, as regards to your uncle, because of the promotion and all, I thought I'd be out on the street more?
- Tony Soprano: Staying out of the street these days is a good thing, no?
- Tony Soprano: [when Bobby doesn't reply] It's a joke
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: I know, I mean I'm not complaining... it's just over a year and I'm still picking up prescriptions
- Tony Soprano: What'd you need? Money?
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: You know, I just want a chance to earn. I mean I'm happy to do it, it's just forty minutes I spent at Rite Aid getting him some stool softener that was on sale, and now I have Jan and the kids to feed
- Tony Soprano: How's she doing anyway? My sister?
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: She sleeps a lot: it's hard
- Tony Soprano: Still with the Epstein-Barr, huh?
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: It's tough on her, I don't know
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [meeting in a bar, referring to the dispute Sal has with Feech La Manna] My aunt told me about it
- Salvatore 'Sal' Vitro: What did I ever do to this guy?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: They release these fucks from the can. Obviously, he wasn't rehabilitated
- Salvatore 'Sal' Vitro: [referring to the land he mows lawn for he lost to Feech La Manna] It was my livelihood
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [referring to Sal's broken arm] I don't have a yard anymore, I'm in a condo. Otherwise, you know, I'd have you out there with your snippers, even with your "bum wing"
- Salvatore 'Sal' Vitro: My wife, at this point... got me thinkin of going to the cops
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: What're you talkin about? Where are you from?
- Salvatore 'Sal' Vitro: I don't know what to do
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: You got friends, don't you?
- Salvatore 'Sal' Vitro: You know I always stay clear of this "stuff"
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: What "stuff"? I go and talk to the guy for you: get you back your stops, I know him
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [jokingly, greeting him] There he is: the king of breadsticks
- Feech La Manna: [before hugging] Breadstick up your ass, come here, you
- Feech La Manna: [referring to Tony Soprano] How's the kid, Tony?
- paulie 'walnuts' Gualtieri: [referring to Tony and Carmela's Separation] His good, you know but if you ask me, he should've stayed with Carmela
- Feech La Manna: what can I do for you?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I got a guy, I think you may have run into him. A guy named Sal Vitro, cuts my aunt's grass. He says your nephew is moving into his neighborhood, Franklin Parkway
- Feech La Manna: [confused] His neighborhood?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: His been working there back when I was living there even. Anyway, I'm here to put in a word for the kid, so do me a favor? You and your nephew over there, lay off
- Feech La Manna: [jokingly] This fuckin gardener, he cut the hair off your balls too?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: He's a friend of my aunt Mary's
- Feech La Manna: Which is why he don't belong to nobody
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [irritated] What'd you know who belongs to what? You've been away for twenty fuckin years
- Feech La Manna: [raises his voice] Which entitles me to earn
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [raises his voice] Which entitles you to shit. In my book, you get points for staying out of the can
- Feech La Manna: [raises his voice louder] Then good thing for me, you're book don't mean "oogatz" to me. What's yours is yours, but what ain't yours is everybody else's. Now do yourself a fuckin favor and get the fuck outta my shop!