- Protester: We want to talk to your foreman.
- Christopher Moltisanti: You want to talk to the foreskin?
- Protester: You're a wise- ass motherfucker.
- Christopher Moltisanti: Well keep your mother off the streets then I won't fuck her.
- Livia Soprano: [appalled at watching Emeril Lagasse at a cooking show] He's not even washing his hands!
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Jesus Christ, you scared the shit out of me!
- Reverend James Sr.: Jesus ain't got nothing to do with it.
- Silvio Dante: [to Bobby Baccalieri after he walks in] you're late
- Tony Soprano: [Meeting privately with Bobby after business hours in the back of Satriale's Pork Store with Pussy, Paulie, and Silvio,present, referring to Bobby as the last member of Junior's crew that's still alive] Bobby Baccalieri: "the last man standing"
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: I don't want to say nothing
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: You don't want to get yourself in trouble
- Tony Soprano: A lot of funerals in your corner of the world huh Bobby? Don't look at the floor, look at me. I want you to talk to that bald cock sucker who calls himself "my brother's father." Tell him we're going to let him keep on earning: "subsistence level." He'll be able to pay his defense lawyers
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Alright, let me say for him: thank you
- Tony Soprano: Now you're going to hear some "high end" shit and A, I hope you can understand it and B I hope you keep it between this room and Junior because if you don't I promise you they're going to find you in eight different dumpsters
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: I inherited Junior. I don't think you got the reasons to talk to me this way. I always liked you
- Tony Soprano: Bullshit, but we'll assume you do now. You tell my uncle he gets to keep five percent of his shy, the sports betting, same with the coke, the joint union is all his ok?
- Tony Soprano: Now bobby listen, this is very important: he also gets to keep his "stripes", as far as the Feds are concerned they got the boss of this family in jail awaiting trial and if they hear different it creates confusion
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Got it
- Tony Soprano: As far as the rest of Junior owns, it's all mine
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: I'll get this to him Tony
- Tony Soprano: That's it
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Unintentionally misquotes the words of Senator William L. Marcy. "To the victor, belongs the spoils"
- Tony Soprano: Why don't you get the fuck out of here before I shove your quotations book up your fat fuckin ass?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Referring to Bobby Baccala] if I'd known you were going to get out so fast for this medical shit, I never would've talked to that calzone with legs
- Junior Soprano: He gave me the message
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after Junior remains silent] don't fuckin pout, be grateful I'm letting you earn
- Junior Soprano: What's on your mind?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after looking around in the doctor's office] how'd you "swing" this?
- Junior Soprano: This Dr. Schreck is Mani Schreck's kid
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Mani the bookie's son? His cardiologist. It's not bad
- Junior Soprano: The law says the Feds can't bug your doctor's office. He lets me use this place whenever I need to conduct business
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So you heard about Massarone construction?
- Junior Soprano: Bacala's taken care of it. The joint fitters know he speaks for me
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's got to go sixty forty my way
- Junior Soprano: Did you do what I asked?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What'd you ask me to do?
- Junior Soprano: You know, make peace
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Now you listen: enough with that shit, that woman's dead to me. You let it go
- Junior Soprano: Why the fuck should I? She's my brother's wife. She doesn't realize what she says half the time
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Let's put our cards on the table here. I heard your radio debut on those tapes the Feds made at Green Grove so doesn't know what she's saying half the time, well which half did you listen to? The half that doesn't make any sense? Or the half that we know that played you like a fuckin child?
- Junior Soprano: Nobody played me. She didn't know that she was setting you up to get popped. That's right, your uncle isn't as dumb you think. You, that miserable fuck Altieri the rat bastard all my capos meeting behind my back
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You let sleeping dogs lie ok? I have my reasons
- Junior Soprano: I'll tell you one dog you left still barking: that fuckin Freddie Capuano that mother-less money grubbing little son of a bitch
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: The guy that owns Green Grove retirement community?
- Junior Soprano: His like an old fuckin lady and has been going around telling Soprano business to anybody that'll listen. His the one that's been saying shit about you trying to whack your mother.
- Carmela Soprano: [During family dinner] what? Did everybody take a "vow of silence" or something? Nobody's got nothing to report?
- A.J. Soprano: I've got to write a report on DNA for biology
- Carmela Soprano: Isn't that interesting? I just saw on Inside Edition how there will be no more "unknown soldiers" because of DNA now: they will be able to identify every single casualty of combat
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Meadow] pass me some of the macaroni and cheese?
- Janice Soprano: You know Tony, I know you don't like to talk about her but that woman is impossible: she's a complete narcissist, I mean she's always "me, me, me". Really kudos, you are a saint
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You were right the first time, I don't want to talk about it
- Meadow Soprano: [to Tony and Janice] you were talking about grandma?
- Janice Soprano: When she pushes those buttons, she's a big baby you know?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Janice, irritated] this is my house, how many times I do have to say it?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Sarcastically to Meadow after she makes an insulting comment] you got something to say? The little girl's about to get her license might want to drive one of those cars in the driveway in the next hundred years
- Janice Soprano: It's my fault Meadow, I was "insensitive" to his feelings
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Janice] thank you
- Carmela Soprano: [to Janice and Tony, referring to them peacefully resolving an argument] you see that? You see how easy that was?
- Janice Soprano: [Sarcastically to Tony] so Mr. "delegated Power of Attorney", have you given it any thought? Can my girlfriend have the listing? You know? The house?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Referring to their mother's home] as long as it gets sold, I don't give a fuck who lists it
- A.J. Soprano: [Making a joke] hey, what did one prick say to the other prick?
- Carmela Soprano: [to Tony] you see that? See what happens with you cursing at the dinner table?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: If I were you, I would seriously consider salads!
- [Leaves]
- Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri: Why won't you take a look in a mirror, you insensitive fuck!
- Arlene Riley: [while in the judge's chambers, referring to Junior Soprano] your honor, this man should not be removed from custody for "medical reasons." Every time we get these elder Mafioso's incarcerated, we get the same "bag of tricks"
- Attorney Melvoin: Your honor, I take offense to the "characterization" of my client as a "Mafioso." Mr. Soprano has not been found guilty of anything: his awaiting trial for "alleged offenses"
- Judge Greenspan: Noted
- Attorney Melvoin: With all due respect to the state's medical facilities, in his condition, Mr. Soprano has every right to pursue the best possible medical care he can afford
- Arlene Riley: Mr. Soprano is suffering from a very benign illness: a few clogged arteries, your honor
- Judge Greenspan: I'm leaning towards on releasing this from lock up, unless you can demonstrate a "serious flight risk"?
- Judge Greenspan: Mr. Soprano, if I approve this, you will be under what is called "house arrest", do you understand this concept?
- Junior Soprano: Not really
- Judge Greenspan: It means you must remain in your primary residence, you cannot leave... except for doctor's appointments and food shopping
- Ralph Giorgio: Your honor, the government asks for an electronic bracelet
- Attorney Melvoin: Your honor, while we certainly agree to house arrest, we are "asking" that Mr. Soprano not to "persecuted" for yet to be proven allegations. He shows no prior arrest since 1968, he pays his taxes and he's a veteran of the Second World War
- Judge Greenspan: Mr. Soprano, do you have any "problem" wearing an electric bracelet?
- Junior Soprano: It sounds like Nazi Germany to me
- Judge Greenspan: Obviously, you need a history lesson... sir
- Attorney Melvoin: I don't think that "we", you and I should let our "shared sorrows" or "biases" enter into this judge
- Judge Greenspan: [Ignoring his comment] his wearing a bracelet... to avoid any "risk of flight"
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while visiting him in prison, talking through telephone intercom] three fuckin weeks it took you to put me on your visitor's list?
- Junior Soprano: I was being careful: these motherless fucks listen to everything
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: A nephew is visiting his uncle... who loves him
- Junior Soprano: I got nothing to say to you
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So many tragedies and near tragedies close to you huh?
- Junior Soprano: Don't be so smart: things could've gone the other way my little nephew
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah but they didn't. So what's all this shit I'm hearing about your heart?
- Junior Soprano: This problem between you and me had, I want you to know your mother had nothing to do with it
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: She's dead to me
- Junior Soprano: She's a sick woman, she don't have all her marbles
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Who the fuck you kiddin? It's killing you that people are talkin and an old woman made an asshole out of you
- Junior Soprano: That's half as bad are the rumors floating around this place is about you: how Tony Soprano likes to fluff up his mother's pillows so she can get a nice long sleep
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Who said that?
- Junior Soprano: You want to make all this nonsense disappear? Make peace with her: make it look like there's no bad blood, it'll be good for all of us
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No fuckin way. You tell that fat fuck Bacala, to come out from his mouse hole, I want to see him tomorrow
- Junior Soprano: [Before Tony angrily hangs up the phone and leaves] what for?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while in his driveway] hey, I want to talk to you. The fuck you were doing with that real estate sign?
- Janice Soprano: Oh yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm selling Ma's house, do you understand? I want that fuckin sign in the fuckin ground and that's it: end of discussion, period!
- Janice Soprano: You're so "left brained". Whether the sign's there or not, the house is still for sale. The real estate agent still has the listing
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah? Then what was the sign doing in the back of your car? And don't try to deny it
- Janice Soprano: Because I'm trying to save a little money, is that alright? Do you remember Kathy Fiaola? She was in my class at Sacred Heart? With the birthmark?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Not remembering, irritated] what about her?
- Janice Soprano: She's in real estate now: she said she would only charge three percent commission, that's half alright? Thousands of dollars, I mean it may not seem like a lot of money to you but maybe Ma could use it?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah? Fuck her? And next time you disappear for a week take that piece of shit and park it in the street: this isn't a fuckin hotel
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [meeting privately] Talk to me
- Jack Massarone: [referring to slang for African Americans] These fuckin ditsoon activists. Their killing me: their picketing at my place twenty four seven. Three days I'm down already
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Who?
- Jack Massarone: This hard on, Reverend Herman James Jr. His an old song, not enough minorities doing the joint fitting
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You were told the joint fitters are my uncle's jurisdiction
- Jack Massarone: I know but if you could pave the way and talk to your uncle? See if maybe send some guys down there and you know, make it uncomfortable for these people? Like you did with your unions before
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's gonna cost you
- Jack Massarone: Besides what you're already raping me for those no show electrician jobs?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You're not such a fuckin citizen when you want the construction to go your way, are ya?
- Jack Massarone: Ok, ok, take it easy
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to calling the police] alright, I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, call Animal Control
- Janice Soprano: I'm sorry Tony but the hospital's going to need a decision on this. If you're going to have Power of Attorney, you're going to have to act like one
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Who gives a fuck, DNR or no DNR?
- Janice Soprano: Yeah ok, great, so what happens when she goes into a coma and they have to keep her alive with tubes and machines because you won't sign the DNR?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [raises his voice] what? When she becomes a vegetable, she's not going to give a fuck about anything
- Janice Soprano: To deprive her a place to live: to deprive me of my chance to make peace with my mother
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know what? Take her, you can have her. The two of you in that house, you deserve each other. It'll be worth it just to watch, it'll be like what happened to baby Janice over there. I'll give you your fuckin DNR
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Meeting privately, referring to him going on a diet] I think it's time you started seriously considering salads
- Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri: [confused] What'd you mean?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while Bobby leans on Tony's SUV] what do I mean? I mean get off my car before you flip it over you fat fuck
- Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri: [after handing Tony an envelope of cash, referring to staging a riot at the construction site] Junior wants to know when?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Tomorrow morning: we're short a couple of guys so make sure your there
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Before driving away] consider it exercise
- Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri: Fat fuck, why don't you look in the mirror sometime, you insensitive cocksucker?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: [after seeing a doctor] my back don't feel one iota different
- Skip Lipari: The doctor said it'll take a couple of days for the steroids to "kick in"
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: I got to get in my Jacuzzi
- Skip Lipari: Too much stress in your life. Tony doesn't know your back, does he?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Jesus Christ no, I didn't go see him yet: you guys are all alike
- Skip Lipari: Hey, you've seen guys drag their dicks before, taking advantage of the government's generosity, playing "both ends against the middle"
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Christ, would you give me a window over here? Tony already thinks maybe I flipped, I gotta be careful
- Skip Lipari: Jimmy Altieri already "ate the pill" for you, any suspicion about being an informant went to the grave with Jimmy Altieri
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Yeah, yeah, and I know Tony thirty years and now this?
- Skip Lipari: Spare me ok? You've been on our tit since 98,chauffeur service to and from the doctor, we had to find for you. If we're gonna let you back on the streets and earn, we want results
- Skip Lipari: [Referring to Tony] this fuck tried to suffocate his own mother huh? His own uncle wanted him "whacked". You said so yourself, T's been shitting on you for years
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: I know what I said
- Skip Lipari: Plus, he's been crying to a shrink twice a week: you don't owe this man "dick", so don't sit there and tell me your gonna take a bullet for some "yuppie" who thinks your his "errand boy"
- Meadow Soprano: Thanks for this: it's hard to find people over twenty five to drive with
- Janice Soprano: Don't ever let them know you drove me to buy some pot, which should be legal
- Meadow Soprano: [Referring to her father] I just hate the way he thinks he can talk to you, it's so obnoxious
- Janice Soprano: His insecure. His afraid to leave New Jersey and his threatened by anybody who's "broken free"
- Meadow Soprano: It's too pathetic
- Janice Soprano: How about grandma in that rehab center?
- Meadow Soprano: I know I've been dying to see her: I've had so much homework. Plus all this community service you have to do to get into a descent college. I bring food to homeless shelters
- Janice Soprano: You know grandma pretty well don't you?
- Meadow Soprano: I guess
- Janice Soprano: What is she into?
- Meadow Soprano: I don't know... negativity?
- Janice Soprano: Seriously, there has to be something that gives pleasure. Isn't there anything she likes doing?
- Meadow Soprano: My dad used to try to find her these old records... these sisters?
- Janice Soprano: [after thinking it over] oh, The DeCastro Sisters, right?
- Janice Soprano: [while in Tony's backyard] I miss the fireflies out west
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's why I moved out here: a little bit of nature
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Before she shakes her head] listen, when you were in Seattle, you ever drive by Jimi Hendrix's house?
- Janice Soprano: No. You know I know it's not your favorite subject but we had some really good news about ma at the hospital today: her rehab therapist said she's making tremendous strides and it's not going to be long before they release her
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: How can she make tremendous strides when there's nothing wrong with her in the first place?
- Janice Soprano: It's called "face saving therapy." The patient has to believe that their getting therapy. Believe me, Medicare is not gonna pay for it if it's not as necessary as "real" therapy, would they?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: And the taxpayer "foots" the bill
- Janice Soprano: It's not much longer now, she's gonna need a place to stay
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [dismissively] she's out in the street
- Janice Soprano: It is her house
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [reminding her of what he previously thinks about their mother "She's dead to me"] "dead" people don't have houses
- Janice Soprano: Daddy bought that house
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'll tell you what, take her back to Green Grove
- Janice Soprano: What? The nursing home?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Irritated, insisting there's a difference] it's a "retirement community"
- Janice Soprano: You know I don't have that kind of money
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after he ignores her] fuck you
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after hearing singing from Reverend James Sr.'s home] what's all this?
- Reverend James Jr.: My father passed away
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [surprised] I was just talking to him
- Reverend James Jr.: He lived well. God blessed him with longevity. What're you gonna do? We all have our time. My father didn't know about our little "business arrangement", he wouldn't have approved
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah, I got that feeling
- Reverend James Jr.: Your mom and pop still here?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: My old man's been gone for years
- Reverend James Jr.: Mom?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: She's still around, she's too miserable to die
- Reverend James Jr.: Their generation is almost all gone and when the last one goes, we become the "old folks" at the family functions
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What're you talkin about? We're still "kids" for crying out loud
- Reverend James Jr.: Don't you believe it. When the last one dies, it signals the beginning for the last stretch of us. Don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna go no time soon, it's just... feels "funny" now being here as an "elder"
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Hands him an envelope with money inside] it's your end of the demonstration bust up
- Reverend James Jr.: Your guys went a little too far: Rashy and Taylor almost lost an eye
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: How did you do overall?
- Reverend James Jr.: [Referring to the jobs for African Americans at the construction site] Massarone gave me five no-shows
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Alright we'll whack it up two and a half each
- Reverend James Jr.: Three, two
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Hey, I should be looking three, two my way. I gotta kick upstairs to Uncle Junior, two and a half each
- Reverend James Jr.: Hey man, all your guys are in on this shit. These protesters find out I'm lining my own pockets with their blood, it's me their crying for. Hell no, three, two
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'll think about it. What'd you hear about the public asbestos removal project in Carney?
- Reverend James Jr.: Let's wait and see who gets the bid
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Before leaving, referring to his father's passing] sorry about your old man
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