- Supervisor Jimmy Curran: Is that your garage?
- Feech La Manna: Nah. It's where I make my weapons of mass destruction.
- Feech La Manna: In my day...
- Tony Soprano: [gradually raising his voice] That's another thing. I don't want to hear anymore how it was in your day. From now on, keep your antidotes to local color, like Dinoflow or Maguire sisters. Otherwise, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
- Feech La Manna: [feeling guilty, remains silent]
- Tony Soprano: Jesus Christ, I'm trying to ease your transition and this is the thanks I get?
- Feech La Manna: I'm sorry I'm offended you. I'll learn
- Tony Soprano: yeah?
- Feech La Manna: yeah
- [during a VIP poker game]
- Alan Ginsberg: Great tax loophole, those SUVs. Told all my clients, write it off on your business.
- David Lee Roth: I used to be able to write off condoms.
- Carmela Soprano: Oh thank God his alive. It's my fault Tony, my pathetic need to compete with you clouding my judgment or I would never let him stay over in New York. I knew he wasn't ready. I went against all my instincts
- Tony Soprano: His eyebrows will grow back, nothing really happened
- Carmela Soprano: No, you know what happened? I said "fuck it" and you know why? To get him to love me as much as he loves you
- Tony Soprano: He loves you. It's just that you're his mother it's different
- Carmela Soprano: I can't be the villain anymore. I mean it and I can't say "fuck it." Take him: let him live with you
- Silvio Dante: [Referring to Feech La Manna] just got the call. They put him on a corrections bus this morning. This was the better move than taking him out
- Tony Soprano: The man is a legend
- Silvio Dante: Christopher agrees by the way
- Tony Soprano: That's nice that he agrees. I'm not running a fuckin popularity contest
- Tony Soprano: What do you get when you cross an accountant with a giant jet airplane? -- A Boring 747.
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Oh, hey dad. I was just taking out the trash, its garbage day tomorrow
- Tony Soprano: What's different about you?
- Carmela Soprano: He has no eyebrows Tony
- Tony Soprano: [after looking carefully on both sides of his face] who did this?
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: We were just screwing around
- Tony Soprano: What'd you say to your mother?
- Carmela Soprano: Tony...
- Tony Soprano: [Sternly] what did you say?
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: I said the F word
- Tony Soprano: [Grabs him by the neck and holds him against the wall, referring to the new SUV he bought him] your finished. Your not going to drive that car until your forty-five years old! I'm selling it tomorrow
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Look, she wouldn't let me talk. I was trying to tell her what happened
- Carmela Soprano: Oh, see? It's my fault
- Tony Soprano: Let's hear it
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Well, I was going to go to Meadow's but there weren't any cabs and I didn't think you wanted me standing in the street at eleven thirty at night, we were right by the hotel
- Carmela Soprano: Enough of your lying
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: I am not lying
- Tony Soprano: Look at your face. If you have some sexual proclivity with that teacher or whatever now's the time to tell us. I mean what went on up there? Poppers and weird sex
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: What? No? Look we don't do drugs around some stupid dopers. I had a few beers but it just made me sick
- Carmela Soprano: How could anybody believe what you say?
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Because I told you. You never believe me
- Tony Soprano: You had a couple beers
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Yeah
- Tony Soprano: Didn't do any drugs?
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: [Acting innocently, lying] No
- Tony Soprano: [Sympathetically for AJ] Carmella, look a couple beers, he should be grounded yeah, it's not the end of the world
- Carmela Soprano: [Shocked] what? You know what? I am sick of your bullshit, both of you. He can go live with you
- Tony Soprano: Don't get dramatic now alright?
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: What? Great, good!
- Tony Soprano: [to AJ] Shut up
- Carmela Soprano: I have never been more serious in my life
- Tony Soprano: [to AJ] take out the trash, go outside
- Tony Soprano: [Sits down next to her on the couch] what're we going to do? Really?
- Carmela Soprano: What did I just say?
- Tony Soprano: No, I mean really? Come on
- Carmela Soprano: Did you think I was joking?
- Tony Soprano: Carmella, this normal teenage shit. You remember us? The CYO dance, we left Artie out in the snow, he almost lost his fingers and we still laugh our asses off about it
- Carmela Soprano: I don't really blame AJ. His doing what his suppose to, his testing the limits as much as he can. I blame myself
- Tony Soprano: What are you talking about?
- Carmela Soprano: You don't know what it's like to have your son hate your guts
- Tony Soprano: [Dismissively] He doesn't hate your guts
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Reading a letter from Tony to her psychiatrist, Dr. Kupferberg] I've been thinking, and I apologize for my use of foul language, 'foul' with a "w"... in regards to yourself. You said some very hurtful things to me in regards to myself. But it is still no excuse to use the vile word that I used of which I am sure you know that I'm talking about. You don't wish us to be social friends, and so that is that. I still have great... riggard for you even though you said some horrible things. P.S. I'm doing fine, Anthony.
- Feech La Manna: [Jokingly, comparing them to the late comedians] hey, Olsen and Johnson
- Christopher Moltisanti: How you doing?
- Benny Fazio: We stopped by the bakery they said you left already
- Christopher Moltisanti: That's the Canali suit I promised you. They said you should try on the jacket, see how the sleeves are. How's that?
- Feech La Manna: How's that? I look better than Sinatra
- Christopher Moltisanti: Very nice
- Feech La Manna: Alright I'm having my wine and peaches you want?
- Benny Fazio: No thanks we got to get going
- Christopher Moltisanti: I'll try some peaches
- Feech La Manna: [to Christopher] peaches are from fuckin New Zealand. I'll get you a glass
- Benny Fazio: [to Christopher] No, we should go, take care of that "thing"
- Christopher Moltisanti: It can't wait?
- Feech La Manna: Fuck you going? Come on sit down
- Benny Fazio: No, we got to do this shit, you don't want to know it's all fucked up
- Feech La Manna: What?
- Christopher Moltisanti: My imbecile cousin was welding his boat trailer and burns down the garage now we got no place to park the truck we got
- Feech La Manna: What's wrong with the street?
- Christopher Moltisanti: [to Benny, attempting to change the subject] Georgia peaches: those are considered the best
- Feech La Manna: [to Benny] See? He don't want me to know what's in the truck
- Benny Fazio: [after Christopher shrugs] flat screen TV's. Fifty inch plasma Philips'. The guy's coming down from Montreal but got delayed a couple days
- Feech La Manna: I got a garage right here
- Benny Fazio: My cousin's mother's got a place we can lock it up
- Feech La Manna: Park the load here, this way I'm around. Keep my eyes on the stuff
- Christopher Moltisanti: Yeah? How much are you going to want for that?
- Feech La Manna: Two
- Christopher Moltisanti: [laughs] fuck you Feech. Its fuckin parking
- Feech La Manna: You got to kick in a TV
- Tony Soprano: [while in Wegler's office, jokingly, referring to AJ] let me guess, he called the English teacher "daddy-o?"
- Robert Wegler: [to the three of them] the "thing" is, we are rapidly approaching crisis mode here with these grades and "time is of the essence"
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: can I ask a question? I handed in my final list of colleges, did you get that?
- Robert Wegler: yes, we've talked about this. So, Ramapo and Trenton State and our "reach" schools are University of Arizona and Arizona State
- Tony Soprano: [to Wegler] yeah, I'm gonna take him out there after I drive him around to the ones in New Jersey
- Robert Wegler: if either of the Arizona's his got his heart set on, his not going to get in with these grades and I know about football Anthony, I'm sorry, it's not enough
- Tony Soprano: he says his trying his best
- Robert Wegler: SAT-wise, 505 and 430, I think we can "edge up" the math into the fives in the next round: providing Anthony feels he can "bear down" his focus
- Tony Soprano: his had trouble with that before. Remember Carm, when they thought he had ADD?
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: [to Tony] you didn't tell me that
- Robert Wegler: Anthony, what'd you say you head on back to class, let us talk?
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: but if I'm "learning disabled", I get unlimited time on my SAT's
- Carmela Soprano: [to Wegler] is that true?
- Robert Wegler: [to Tony and Carmela, then nods to AJ to imply to him to leave] let's talk about that later
- Robert Wegler: [to Tony and Carmela, after AJ leaves] so, you had time to talk to Dr. Rapkey about last week's testing results?
- Carmela Soprano: [while taking out the report and reading from it] yes, she says Anthony has good "interpersonal skills", she said it's effect was "constricted", she called it but that was "normal" for a teenager and all and all, he seems to be handling the split "well", and this is not to say I get a ration of shit in every conversation, pardon my French
- Robert Wegler: well, still, there's this "thing" with his grades. Do you think it would be a benefit for him to see a psychologist on a regular basis?
- Robert Wegler: [after noticing Tony sighs and chuckles to himself] you don't approve of therapy?
- Tony Soprano: I think we use it as a crutch and I always wonder what happened to Gary Cooper? The strong silent type?
- Robert Wegler: [amused] well, Gary Cooper wasn't a sixteen-year-old boy
- Tony Soprano: he was at one time
- Carmela Soprano: I'm gonna have to agree with my husband here: we sent our daughter to an adolescent development mentalist and it was a disaster. I know my son, his just lazy, we gonna get him a different SAT tutor and I'm gonna stay on him and his gonna work harder and that's that
- Carmine Lupertazzi Jr.: [angrily after learning Phil Leotardo killed Lorraine Calluzzo and her lover Jason] fuckin Phil Leotardo! She told me he warned her about giving us points of her take
- Rusty Millio: Phil's a pimp: It's God damn Johnny Sack, it's his message to other captains, that fuckin animal
- Angelo Garepe: [to Rusty] Take it easy
- Rusty Millio: [to Angelo and Carmine] Fuck that! I'm telling you, we go all out and steamroll all over John and I predict guys in the street in Brooklyn and Queens will welcome us as fuckin heroes, it'll be easy
- Tony Soprano: So, what's up?
- Feech La Manna: [referring to the executive card game] I came here to ask for my game back
- Tony Soprano: It's my uncle's game now
- Feech La Manna: Yeah, right, your uncle's. You also keep a lion share of the "rake" and I'm just asking If I can run it for you?
- Tony Soprano: Why would I need that?
- Feech La Manna: Eleven years I ran it, no fights: no raids. Not to mention I got it coming? Considering how it would've gone after you took the game down, and if I hadn't been such a prick about it?
- Silvio Dante: [referring to Tony] Or if his old man didn't have so many friends
- Tony Soprano: [after thinking it over] I'll give you twenty percent but you gotta rent the house from me. I can throw some high rollers your way: friends of mine
- Feech La Manna: [agrees and thanks him] Let me get outta here before I keep talking and fuck this up
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: can I go to the Mudvayne concert or not?
- Carmela Soprano: I've been trying to think of a reason to let you stay overnight in New York with your friends but I'm afraid it's not gonna happen
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Todd's mother already made the arrangements: she said it'd be better than us driving home
- Carmela Soprano: she's not your mother
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: [disappointed] yeah, I know, believe me
- Carmela Soprano: [while AJ walks away, sarcastically] isn't life unfair?
- Silvio Dante: [talking privately, referring to Feech La Manna] He's an egomaniac, always was, always will be. Nothing's ever good enough, praise, money. Comes into this office and starts ordering people around?
- Tony Soprano: his old, how do you think that feels?
- Carmela Soprano: [after entering his room, referring to the subject his studying] Algebra, huh?
- Carmela Soprano: [when he doesn't respond, sits next to him on his bed] Listen, I've been doing some thinking, I've decided to let you stay in the city, after the concert
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: How come?
- Carmela Soprano: [referring to the name of the hotel] On one condition though: no Hudson Suites. I talked to Meadow, she said you can sleep over at her apartment. I will give you cab fare, when the concert is over, you go straight up there. Monday morning, I will you back here 10:30 sharp
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Thanks
- Carmela Soprano: [before kissing him] Don't stay up too late
- Tony Soprano: [surprised to see Ira Fried stumble into the Bada Bing strip club] oh, the wedding, what'd you got everybody outside, the ushers and everybody? Bring them in, bring them in
- Dr. Ira Fried: It's a fuckin disaster, somebody hit us, they stole all the fuckin cars. I had to sedate my own little girl at her wedding
- Tony Soprano: Jesus
- Dr. Ira Fried: They had one of those, what'd you call it, car carrier things? It was a very well-coordinated operation and the cops are on it but how much faith have I got in that? You gotta help me before their chopped
- Tony Soprano: I'm not really in that business
- Dr. Ira Fried: Asa's brother's Benz was taken, this special thing, can you do anything? Make some calls?
- Tony Soprano: That shit's insured
- Dr. Ira Fried: His obsessed with that car, he paid a thirty thousand premium just to place the fuckin order: his glasses, his daybook were in it
- Tony Soprano: [referring to the SUV he just bought AJ] The car's a motivational tool, it's a carrot-and-stick: you gotta do both
- Carmela Soprano: I can strangle him sometimes, he can be so hateful
- Tony Soprano: That smart mouth is not good
- Carmela Soprano: It's minor, believe me. God, what happened to him? He was always the sweet one: he had the concept of sharing before any of the other toddlers
- Tony Soprano: Well, Meadow was always sharper and I remember the same thing with her: it's like watching an angel fall
- Tony Soprano: [while Carmela prepares dinner] What're you, crying?
- Carmela Soprano: [referring to the bills she hands him] The tutor in writing like you had to have, the cheap sound system for the media room
- Tony Soprano: Why should I pay for that?
- Carmela Soprano: because you took the last one
- Tony Soprano: Oh, your little connoisseur friends: they're still meeting?
- Carmela Soprano: At least I have friends
- Tony Soprano: Fuck's that supposed to mean?
- Carmela Soprano: Come on, they're just a bunch of flunkies
- Tony Soprano: What'd you know about it?
- Carmela Soprano: They complement you on your new shoes: they tell you you're not going bald, you think they really care? You're the boss, their scared of you. They have to kiss your ass, laugh at your stupid jokes
- Tony Soprano: What about Artie then? You know, you're turning into a freakin cynic
- Carmela Soprano: Whatever
- Tony Soprano: What do I give a shit if their scared of or whatever? I'm running a business, not a popularity contest
- Carmela Soprano: [while watching Tony B's twin sons playing in their swimming pool] they'll probably go through their entire lives not knowing that their father's sperm was smuggled out of jail to get Nancy pregnant
- Tony Soprano: It's the least I could do. I just remembered what happened to the power drill
- Carmela Soprano: pardon me?
- Tony Soprano: I loaned it to your cousin Brian and he never gave it...
- Carmela Soprano: What's the matter?
- Tony Soprano: Nothing, I think it's just indigestion, it's going away
- Tony Soprano: [after sitting down, referring to his panic attacks] I had an attack: full blown one
- Carmela Soprano: What did your therapist say?
- Tony Soprano: I don't see her no more
- Carmela Soprano: Why not?
- Tony Soprano: You think you're the only one has to cut back on shit they need because of the separation?
- Tony Soprano: [stands up and walks over to the refrigerator before opening it] What's on your mind?
- Carmela Soprano: Mr. Wegler wants us to come in and discuss AJ's lousy academic performance
- Tony Soprano: Is this the same Wegler from last year?
- Carmela Soprano: AJ got him as a college advisor
- Tony Soprano: [angrily] I told this kid to start crackin the books
- Carmela Soprano: Was he supposed to do that after he got back from the Nets game you took him to on a school night?
- Tony Soprano: it's gotta be hard on him: the situation we're in, why don't you cut him some slack?
- Carmela Soprano: No, that's your "department", I get to be the prison warden while you indulge him: the iPod, the drums...
- Tony Soprano: [interrupts her, raises his voice] Again with the drums, encourage extra circular activities you said
- Carmela Soprano: Brand new drums, just like that? Don't even look in the classified?
- Tony Soprano: Why don't you just tell me when the school meeting is? Because I don't have to listen to this shit anymore: that's why we're separated
- Carmela Soprano: [raises her voice] are you kidding me? That's not why
- Carmela Soprano: [while having dinner] "Birthday" by The Beatles. You know I heard it the other day in the car, they have such a good drum solo in the middle there
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Drum solo? It's the basic 4/4
- Carmela Soprano: You know Ringo was not their original drummer. it was Pete Best and they fired him, so he put out his own album, "Best of the Beatles"
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: [bored] So, is this what they call "common ground"?
- Carmela Soprano: Just trying to have a civilized conversation
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Can I go to my room? I'm full
- Carmela Soprano: [sarcastically] Am I so horrible?
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: [irritated] You are not horrible: get over yourself
- Carmela Soprano: Over "myself"? What's that supposed to mean?
- Carmela Soprano: [when he doesn't respond] Just go, do me a big favor
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: If you're gonna be a martyr, obviously, I'll sit here
- Carmela Soprano: No, go, put your plate in the sink
- Robert Wegler: [while having lunch, jokingly] I thought I had a plan for Anthony. I'm not so sure now, I don't know if Rutgers' summer program accepts boys without eyebrows
- Carmela Soprano: [referring to the students that were involved in a fatal crash car accident] you heard about that? I was a wreck, I mean look at those girls just driving to school
- Robert Wegler: we brought in grief counselors. How's Anthony coping with that?
- Carmela Soprano: I have to say, he never mentioned it
- Robert Wegler: they all handle tragedy differently
- Carmela Soprano: actually, he just moved in with his father. I don't know if he said
- Robert Wegler: [surprised] really?
- Carmela Soprano: I don't know what you might've heard about my husband
- Robert Wegler: some
- Carmela Soprano: I mean, he's a good father: don't get me wrong, our daughter's at Columbia. My friends tell me I'm a snob with this college business but with Anthony, it's something else
- Carmela Soprano: [when he doesn't respond] I just know that if he doesn't get into a school that interests him, he'll drop out and went to work as a waiter or something, he wouldn't last a week, my husband doesn't want that for him either
- Carmela Soprano: [when he doesn't respond again] you've met him, my husband, very "magnetic" and bigger than life. And I was so young: it was so exciting. Anyway, his over there, I don't know, maybe it'll be good, you know learning the things that men need to know?
- Carmela Soprano: [after he shrugs] anyway, what about you? How long have you been at the school?
- Robert Wegler: since 86, I suppose that's what caught me up too? Some notion of "escaping the quotidian"
- Carmela Soprano: [surprised] so, you were married?
- Robert Wegler: [sarcastically] for about... five minutes
- Robert Wegler: [after the waitress brings their meals] have you read Madame Bovary?
- Carmela Soprano: no
- Robert Wegler: it's almost a "perfect" novel. Flaubert writes about loneliness, emptiness. Emma Rouault destroys herself for some fantasy in her head. It's great, it's truly great, somehow funny, horrifically tragic. I think you might enjoy it?
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: [disgusted, while they watch TV] oh, somebody "hotboxed" us?
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: [to Artie] I saw you close the window
- Tony Blundetto: [to AJ, while Artie laughs] what's that?
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: it's when you close all the windows and fart on purpose
- Tony Blundetto: that's a "Dutch oven"
- Tony Soprano: [correcting him] in bed is a "Dutch oven"
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: [confused] what's a "Dutch oven"?
- Artie Bucco: when you fart in bed and force her head under the covers
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: that's awesome
- Tony Soprano: [to AJ] first, you gotta be in bed with one
- Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: yeah, you'd be surprised
- Artie Bucco: [surprised] whoa
- Tony Blundetto: [impressed] whoa
- Tony Soprano: yeah, I would
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