The Simpsons (TV Series)

Wild Barts Can't Be Broken (1999)

Yeardley Smith: Lisa Simpson

Quotes 

• Lisa Simpson : It's not fair. Adults always blame kids for everything.

  Homer Simpson : Well, if kids are so innocent, why is everything bad named after them? Acting childish, kidnapping, child abuse.

  Bart : What about adultery?

  Homer Simpson : Not until you're older, Son.

• Lisa Simpson : And guess who's been practicing medicine without a license?

  [Dr. Hibbert nervously pulls at his sweater neck] 

  Lisa Simpson : That's right. Homer Simpson.

  Homer Simpson : [far off]  D'oh!

• Homer Simpson : Stupid Isotopes. Hurry up and lose so we can get outta here!

  Lisa Simpson : Why do you hate the Isotopes so much, Dad?

  Homer Simpson : Because I loved them once and they broke my heart. Let that be a lesson to you, sweetie. Never love anything.

  Lisa Simpson : Even you?

  Homer Simpson : Especially me.

• [the kids of Springfield are broadcasting adults' secrets, in order to embarrass them] 

  Lisa : And, by the way, there is somebody in Springfield who's been practicing medicine without a license.

  [Dr. Hibbert gulps] 

  Lisa : That's right. Homer Simpson.

  Homer : D'oh!

• Nelson Muntz : Adults blow.

  Bart : Yeah, just look at them over there.

  [scene shows Principal Skinner, Mrs. Krabappel and Ms. Hoover standing in the playground] 

  Milhouse Van Houten : Smoking their cigarettes.

  Lisa Simpson : Drinking their coffee.

  Bart : Scratching their big butts.

  Principal Skinner : [to Bart]  Your metabolism will change someday too, young man.

  [awkwardly walks backward] 

• Milhouse Van Houten : Man, if we had eye power like those kids in that movie, we could read the adults' minds and tell their secrets and make them pitchfork each other and junk!

  [laughs] 

  Lisa Simpson : Wait! We don't need supernatural powers. We already know their secrets.

  Bart : She's right! Homer's done a ton of crap that never made the papers.

  Martin Prince : My mom shoplifts all the time. Stuff she doesn't even need.

  Nelson Muntz : My dad gets in car accidents on purpose.

  Lisa Simpson : [as she writes down everyone's ideas on a notepad]  Great! This is all gold.

  Milhouse Van Houten : We gotta spread this stuff around. Let's put it on the Internet!

  Lisa Simpson : No! We have to reach people whose opinions actually matter! And I think I know how.

• Lisa Simpson : Wow, you look really hung over, Dad. What did you do last night?

  Homer Simpson : Last night? Uhh...

  [Homer imagines a whitewashed version of his drunken antics] 

  Homer Simpson : [patting Lisa on the head]  Uh... hello, big Maggie!

• [returning home after Isotopes' defeat] 

  Lisa Simpson : With a little middle relief, they might even make the play-offs!

  Homer Simpson : You'll be in your cold, cold grave before that ever happens.

  Marge Simpson : Homer, would you please stop talking about the children's graves?