The Simpsons (TV Series)

Whacking Day (1993)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Groundskeeper Willie, Tractor, Chicken, Cola Scientist #2, Grampa, Barney Gumble, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Kwik-E-Mart Customer, Choir Soloist, Mayor Quimby, Fleeing Snake, Irish Man, Martin Prince

Quotes 

• Homer : Inside every man is a struggle between good and evil that cannot be resolved.

  [Dissolve to inside Homer's head; "Evil Homer," dressed in a devil suit, is dancing and shaking two castanets over a grave marked "Good Homer."] 

  Homer : I am Evil Homer! I am Evil Homer!

• [Barry White is the Guest of Honor on Whacking Day] 

  Mayor Quimby : Now I'd like to introduce our Grand Marshal, the Prophet of Love, Larry White.

  Barry White : Barry White.

  Mayor Quimby : No, it says here Larry White.

  Barry White : I know my own name.

  Mayor Quimby : Yeah? Well, we'll just see!

• [Homer is heading out to participate in Whacking Day] 

  Lisa : Dad, for the last time, please don't lower yourself to the level of the mob.

  Homer : Lisa, maybe if I'm part of that mob, I can help steer it in wise directions. Now where's my giant foam cowboy hat and airhorn?

• Bart : Whacking Day is a sham. It was originally conceived in 1922 as an excuse to beat up on the Irish.

  Old Irishman : 'Tis true. I took many a lump, but 'twas all in good fun.

• Barney : [Barney is hitting the ground with a stick]  Take that snake! Ungh! And you too! Ungh! Snakes! Snakes everyhere!

  Lenny : Gettin' ready for Whacking Day?

  Barney : What's Whacking Day?

• [asking the kids what they did in school] 

  Bart : I got expelled.

  Homer : That's my boy!

  [sips his beer] 

  Homer : Mmm, beer... *what*?

• Principal Skinner : [Last lines; hurrying to deliver mountain bikes to the school bullies still locked in the school basement]  Faster, Willie, faster. Now, we give 'em the bikes, no one sues.

  Groundskeeper Willie : What if they're dead, sir?

  Principal Skinner : Then we ride these bikes to Mexico and freedom, Willie! Freedom!

  Groundskeeper Willie : Freedom.

  Groundskeeper Willie : [quietly muttering]  I'll turn you in at the first tollbooth.