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- Homer Simpson: Good news, everyone! I got in a fight with the garbage men and they're cutting off our service!
- Marge Simpson: Oh, lord, now what are we going to do? Just let the trash pile up?
- Homer Simpson: Hey, I'd rather live in a dump than in a world run by snooty garbage men.
- Lisa Simpson: Dad, is this another one of those situations that could be solved by a simple apology?
- Homer Simpson: I never apologize, Lisa. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am.
- Ray Patterson: Oh gosh. You know, I'm not much on speeches, but it's so gratifying to... leave you wallowing in the mess you've made. You're screwed, thank you, bye.
- Moe: He's right. He ain't much on speeches.
- Homer Simpson: Good news, everyone! I got in a fight with the garbage men and they're cutting off our service!
- Marge Simpson: Oh, lord, now what are we going to do? Just let the trash pile up?
- Homer Simpson: Hey, I'd rather live in a dump than in a world run by snooty garbage men.
- Lisa Simpson: Dad, is this another one of those situations that could be solved by a simple apology?
- Homer Simpson: I never apologize, Lisa. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am.
- Bart Simpson: [over loud speaker] Hey everybody, vote for my dad, Homer Simpson. If you don't he'll beat us.
- Homer Simpson: [over loud speaker] Why you little... er... No one's gonna beat you, son.
- [under his breath, but still audible]
- Homer Simpson: You're gonna get such a beating!
- Marge Simpson: Homer, this has gone far enough. Will you please just apologize to the garbage men?
- Lisa Simpson: Yeah, Dad. You're always telling me and Bart to apologize.
- Homer Simpson: Yeah, but I'm always secretly disappointed when you do. Anyway, I think those garbage men are starting to crack.
- Bart Simpson: I think you're starting to crack.
- Homer Simpson: Apologize for that remark!
- Bart Simpson: No way!
- Homer Simpson: Atta-boy!
- Homer Simpson: [pushes in front of a queue] I wanna register to run for sanitation commissioner. And tell the fat cats upstairs things are gonna change in this town.
- Clerk: Okay, but this is where you register as a sex offender.
- Moe: [arriving at the back of the queue] Aw, jeez, there's always a line.
- Bono: Hold on folks. The man's talking about waste management, that effects the whole damn planet!
- The Edge: Aw, here we go.
- [to Larry]
- The Edge: What do you say we slip out to Moe's for a pint?
- Adam Clayton: Can I come?
- The Edge: No.
- Adam Clayton: Wankers.
- Marge Simpson: Homer, that crazy lady who lives in our trash pile attacked me again.
- Homer Simpson: That's not the way she tells it.
- Susie Smith: Okay. Camera two.
- [Homer starts pushing buttons]
- Susie Smith: Uh, excuse me. This is a restricted area.
- Homer Simpson: Take a hike, Kojak!
- [pushes her away]
- Homer Simpson: [Trips over the rubbish bin] D'oh!
- Marge Simpson: [Calling from upstairs] I heard that! You know the rule!
- Homer Simpson: Oh, but I can rebuild.
- Ned Flanders: [tiptoeing over the Simpsons' rubbish pile] Easy, Ned. Don't breathe in.
- [some rubbish falls on his head]
- Ned Flanders: Ow!
- Homer Simpson: Sorry, Ned. I didn't see you down there.
- [to Bart]
- Homer Simpson: Got him.
- Ned Flanders: Uh, listen, Homer, I hate to be a fussy Freddy and all, but Maude's folks are here, and they're a tad touchy about odors.
- Homer Simpson: Then you might want to close your windows before the sun hits Diaper Hill.
- Rod Flanders: [standing on top of a huge pile of used diapers] Look, Daddy. I'm the king of the mountain!
- Ned Flanders: Rod, get off of there!
- Marge Simpson: Homer, you didn't beat City Hall. They picked up our trash because I wrote a letter of apology to the sanitation commissioner and signed your name. Period.
- Homer Simpson: [hurt] You signed my name? I feel so violated.
- Marge Simpson: You've signed my name lots of times!
- Homer Simpson: But this isn't like a loan application or a will! You've signed away my dignity! And I'm going to get it back. Lisa, do I have my pants on?
- Lisa Simpson: Yes.
- Homer Simpson: Perfect.
- Mayor Quimby: Simpson, you idiot! You spent your entire year's budget in a month! Your department's broke!
- Homer Simpson: [panicking] Uh... oh, no! Wait! I think I've got the perfect solution.
- Mayor Quimby: You'd better! 'Cause those garbage men won't work for free!
- Homer Simpson: D'oh!
- [last lines]
- Native American-Indian #1: Do yourself a favour. Don't turn around.
- [camera pans across to show the old Spingfield as a huge land of rubbish and waste]
- Native American-Indian #2: [off-screen] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
- Native American-Indian #1: [off-screen] I told you not to turn around.
- Homer Simpson: Hey Ray, cleaning out the old office, eh?
- Ray Patterson: If I hadn't already packed my letter opener, I'd give you such a stabbing!
- Costingtons Manager: Okay, people, we need to cook up a new holiday for the summer. Something with gifts, cards, assorted gougeables.
- Costingtons Woman: How about something religious? We had great penetration last spring with Christmas Two.
- Costingtons Man: Oh, I know. Spendover, like Passover, less talk, more presents.
- [Everyone starts talking at once]
- Costingtons Manager: No, no, no! No, it's gotta be warm and fuzzy. Some like, um, "Love Day", but not so lame.
- [cut to the Simpsons home several days later]
- Marge Simpson: Happy Love Day, everyone!
- Lisa Simpson: Come on, Mom, The stores just invented this holiday to make money.
- Homer Simpson: Lisa, don't you ruin another Love Day.
- Homer: It's like David and Goliath, only this time David won.
- [Lisa sighs]
- Lisa's Brain: I know, I heard it too. Here's some music.
- [Piano music plays quietly. Lisa smiles contentedly]
- Homer Simpson: Okay, before I show you, who wants to guess how I got the money?
- Bart Simpson: Dealing drugs?
- Lisa Simpson: Drugs?
- Marge Simpson: I'll have to say drugs, too.
- Homer Simpson: Close, but you're way off.
- Ray Patterson: Here's your apology back, Mr Simpson, and I'm sorry we couldn't work this out.
- Homer Simpson: Don't come off all high and mighty with me, Patterson. You can't scare me with your office and your desk and your lamp.
- Ray Patterson: I'm not trying to scare you, I'm trying to get my work done.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, oh, oh, I get it. Put on a big show for the cameras.
- Ray Patterson: What cameras? Why are you still here?
- Homer Simpson: I came to fight city hall. I want to shake things up, Patterson. Stir up some controversy, rattle a few cages.
- [Homer rattles a bird cage]
- Ray Patterson: Hey! Stop that!
- Homer Simpson: You'll never silence me. I'm the last angry man, Patterson. A crusader for the little guy!
- [Homer rattles the bird cage again]
- Ray Patterson: Leave the bird alone!
- Homer Simpson: Never!
- Ray Patterson: Look, Simpson, I've been elected by the voters of this city 16 years in a row. So they must think I'm doing a damn good job.
- Homer Simpson: You wanna know what I think?
- Ray Patterson: No! Nobody wants to hear the nonsensical ravings of a loudmouthed malcontent!
- Homer Simpson: Oh! Well, we'll see about that!
- Marge Simpson: How could you spend $4.6 million in a month?
- Homer Simpson: They let me sign checks with a stamp, Marge! A stamp!
- Homer Simpson: [his garbagemen are angrily demanding their paychecks] Will cash be okay?
- Garbage Man: Will it!
- Mayor Quimby: [poking his head into the room] Did I, uh, hear a briefcase opening?
- Homer Simpson: [Angryly carrying out the trash] Ow, Ow, stupid trash, stinky, hate world, revenge soon, take out on everyone
- [screams]
- Homer Simpson: GARBAGE WATER! Ohhhh.
- [looks in the sky raising his fist]
- Homer Simpson: Your pushing me baby!
- Bono: [after Homer invades U2's Pop-Mart concert] Wait, people. He's talking about waste management, that affects the whole damn planet!
- The Edge: Awww, here he goes! Anyone fancy going to Moe's for a pint?
- Adam Clayton: Can I come?
- The Edge: [looks at Larry Mullen Jnr] No!
- Adam Clayton: [whispers] Wankers!
- [Edge and Larry turn around, and Adam pretends to be tuning his bass guitar]
- Ray Patterson: Oh gosh. You know, I'm not much on speeches, but, it's so gratifying to leave you wallowing in the mess you've made. You're screwed, thank you, bye.
- Moe: He's right. He ain't much on speeches.
- Homer Simpson: [At a town meeting] I'm sorry my opponent didn't think enough of you to show up for this debate. I'm sure he had more important things to do.
- [Homer imitates Patterson drinking, everyone laughs]
- Bono, The Edge, Adam Clayton, Larry Mullen Jr.: [during the "Garbage Man" song] The sanitation folks are jolly, friendly blokes. Courteous and easygoing! They mop up when you're overflowing. And tell you when your arse is showing!
- Lisa Simpson: Dad, you can't just cram trash under Springfield forever...
- Homer Simpson: [pats her on head] Sure I can, honey-kitten!
- Ray Patterson: fine if want an experniced public servant vote for me but you want to believe nonsense about around the clock trash pick and garbage doing things like washing your car and cleaning your gutters then by all means vote for this lunatic.
- Ray Patterson: Simpson, the American people have never tolerated incompetence in their public officials. You are going to crash and burn, my fat-headed friend.
- Homer Simpson: See, we're still friends. C'mon, give us a cuddle.