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- Homer: What does the "I" stand for?
- Tour Guide: Important.
- Homer: Ah. And the "V"?
- Tour Guide: Very.
- Homer: One more question...
- Tour Guide: Person.
- Homer: I see. What does the "I" stand for again?
- Homer: What does the "I" stand for?
- Tour Guide: Important.
- Homer: Ah. And the "V"?
- Tour Guide: Very.
- Homer: One more question...
- Tour Guide: Person.
- Homer: I see. What does the "I" stand for again?
- [driving in a cab through Washington D.C]
- Marge Simpson: Look, the I.R.S.
- Homer: [out the window] BOO!
- I.R.S. Employee: [out his office window] Oh, boo yourself.
- Lisa: [at the Jefferson Memorial. Talking to the statue] Mr. Jefferson, I have a problem.
- Thomas Jefferson: I know your problem: the Lincoln Memorial was *too crowded*.
- Lisa: Yes, well...
- Thomas Jefferson: [referring to how empty his memorial is] No one ever comes to see me. Frankly, I don't blame them. *I* didn't do anything important. JUST the Declaration of Independence, the Louisiana Purchase, the dumbwaiter!...
- Lisa: Uh, maybe I should go... I seem to have caught you at a bad time...
- [walks out]
- Thomas Jefferson: WAIT! Don't go!... I get so lonely...
- [tumbleweed blows through]
- Faith Crowley: Lisa, I'm Faith Crowley, Patriotism editor of Reading Digest.
- Homer: Oh I love your magazine. My favorite section is "How to increase your word power." That thing is really, really, really... good.
- Homer: [reading the 'Motoring Miss-haps' section of 'Reading Digest'] Hey, a cartoon!
- [in the cartoon, a woman tries to explain a pile of metal that used to be a car to her irate husband]
- Homer: "Well, dear, you always wanted a compact."
- [laughs]
- Homer: Ain't it the truth!
- Marge Simpson: No, it's not the truth, Homer! It's well-documented that women are safer drivers than men.
- Homer: Aw, Marge! Cartoons don't have any deep meaning; they're just stupid drawings that give you a cheap laugh.
- [Homer gets up, exposing his rear cleavage. Bart chuckles]
- [the Simpsons enter an American Legion post to see Nelson delivering the end of his "Patriots of Tomorrow" essay]
- Nelson Muntz: So burn the flag if you must, but before you do, you better burn a few other things! You better burn your shirt and your pants! Be sure to burn your TV and car! Oh yes, and don't forget to burn your house! Because none of those things could exist without six white stripes, seven red stripes, and a hell of a lot of stars!
- [riotous applause]
- [Pres. Bush has received the bill to expel a corrupt congressman]
- George H.W. Bush: Okay, this should make my bosses very happy.
- Foreign Diplomat: *Your* bosses?
- George H.W. Bush: [signs the bill] Yep, all 250 million of them.
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