- Mustached Plant Employee: Hey, Homer? What do I tell the boss?
- Homer: Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
- Jacques: [seeing the name "Homer" engraved on Marge's bowling ball] It is nice to meet you... Homer
- Marge Simpson: Oh, no no. Homer is my... uh... Ball's name. I'm Marge.
- Jacques: Your fingers are so slender, so feminine. They are far too tapered for the ball you are using. You need something lighter, more delicate. Here, use my ball.
- Marge Simpson: No, no thank you, Mr... uh... Brunswick
- [seeing the name on his ball]
- Jacques: [on brunch] It's not quite breakfast, it's not quite lunch, but it comes with a slice of canteloupe at the end. You don't get completely what you would at breakfast, but you get a good meal.
- Marge Simpson: Jacques - I'm a married woman.
- Jacques: I know, I know; my mind says "Stop!", but my heart and my hips cry "Proceed!"
- Jacques: [looking in the mirror] To the most beautiful moment in life. Better than the deed. Better than the memory. The moment of anticipation.
- Bart Simpson: Hey, Mom, how come you're not putting on any of my perfume?
- Marge Simpson: [hesitates, clears throat] Hmm... mm! I'm saving it... for a special occasion.
- Bart Simpson: [angrily] What the hell are you talking about? There's gallons of it!
- Homer: [shouts] Bart!
- Marge Simpson: [unconvincingly] But this occasion is already so special, if we made it any more special, we might end up making it less special.
- Bart Simpson: Gotcha. Told you she liked mine better.
- Lisa Simpson: [rolls eyes] Oh, brother!
- Marge Simpson: [after bowling a strike for the first time under Jacques' tutelage] You're a very good teacher.
- Jacques: Yes, I am a very good teacher, and I can teach you everything. I can tell you what the little arrows on the wood floor mean. Which frame is the beer frame? I bet you don't know how to make a five-seven-ten split, do you Marge?
- Marge Simpson: No.
- Jacques: Well, first of all you yell "the eight-pin is a cop".
- [Marge starts laughing]
- Jacques: Let it out, Marge. Laugh loud.
- [she does]
- Jacques: Laugh out loud, you'll lose weight.
- Marge Simpson: Oh, that's very funny.
- Jacques: Feels good.
- Marge Simpson: Gee, I didn't realise there was so much to this game. What do you charge for lessons?
- Jacques: $25.
- Marge Simpson: [a bit taken aback] $25?
- Jacques: It's a 40 dollar value.
- Marge Simpson: Well, alright. When do we start?
- Jacques: [he leans in seductively] We have already begun.