The Simpsons (TV Series)
Krusty Gets Kancelled (1993)
Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Springfield Squares Announcer, Wally Cox, Charlie Weaver, Gabbo Announcer, Krusty the Clown, Mayor Quimby, Worker, Sideshow Mel, Casting Director, Television Announcer, Litterer, Barney Gumble, Elizabeth Taylor's Agent, Scott Christian, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Krusty Komeback Special Announcer, Grampa
Quotes
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[the Red Hot Chili Peppers are performing on Krusty's show]
Krusty the Clown : Now, boys, the network has a problem with some of your lyrics. Do you mind changing them for the show?
Anthony Kiedis : Forget you, clown.
Chad Smith : Yeah, our lyrics are like our children, man. No way.
Krusty the Clown : Well, okay, but here where it says, "What I got you gotta get and put it in ya," how about just, "What I'd like is I'd like to hug and kiss ya."
Flea : Wow. That's much better.
Arik Marshall : Everyone can enjoy that.
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[Krusty is trying to talk Sideshow Mel into quitting his job a fast-food joint]
Krusty the Clown : But you gotta come back, Mel! We're a team!
Sideshow Mel : No, Krusty, you always treated me rather shabbily. On our last show, you poured liquid nitrogen down my pants, and cracked my buttocks with a hammer!
Krusty the Clown : Ah, come on. You wanna spend your life hanging out with a bunch of dorky teenagers?
Squeaky Voiced Teen : Here's your taco, Mister. Whoops, it fell in the fryer. I'll get it out. Ow! Ow! Ow-w-w! Ow-w-w!
Sideshow Mel : Sorry Krusty, I like it here. Mr. Johannson treats me with dignity.
Mr. Johannson : Is this clown bothering you, Mel?
Sideshow Mel : It's all right, Mr. Johannson, I'll handle it.
Squeaky Voiced Teen : Here's your taco, sir.
Krusty the Clown : I don't want it!
Squeaky Voiced Teen : But this comes out of my salary! If I had a girlfriend, she'd kill me.
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[the Red Hot Chili Peppers are performing at Moe's bar]
Bart : Hey, Red Hot Chili Peppers, do you want to appear on a Krusty comeback special?
Flea : Sure, if you can get us outta this gig.
Bart : No problemo.
[Bart points to the wall behind Moe]
Bart : Hey Moe, look over there.
Moe : What? What am I looking at?
[Bart and the Red Hot Chili Peppers walk out the door]
Moe : I'm gonna stop looking here in a second. What, is *that* it?
[Homer walks into the bar]
Homer : Hey Moe, can I look too?
Moe : Sure, but it'll cost ya.
Homer : My wallet's in the car.
[He runs outside]
Moe : He is so stupid. And now, back to the wall...
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Anthony Kiedis : You told our agent this place holds 30,000 people.
Moe : It does. We had 30,000 here last night. Now play. The audience is getting restless.
Barney : [flicking a lighter] We want chilly-willy. We want chilly-willy.
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Krusty the Clown : If this is anyone but Steve Allen, you're stealing my bit.
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[while Krusty is staying with the Simpsons, trying to lose weight, he and Homer are boxing in the living room]
Krusty the Clown : [drops his hands] Oh, why am I bothering? It's hopeless.
Gabbo : [on TV] Hi, kids! It's me, Gabbo!
[He laughs in imitation of Krusty, who goes berserk and starts punching Homer ferociously. Maggie, alarmed, grabs the TV remote and changes the channel]
Scott Christian : Pork prices rose in early trading today...
[Homer rallies and counterattacks, punching Krusty across the room]
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Krusty the Clown : I don't how to thank you kids.
Bart : That's okay, Krusty.
Lisa Simpson : We're getting fifty percent of the t-shirt sales.
Krusty the Clown : WHAT? That's the sweetest plum! You little...!
[calms down]
Krusty the Clown : Ah, what the hell, you deserve it. Thanks, kids.
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Gabbo : And now it's time for another patented Gabbo crank call! Oh, I love these!
Bart : I can't believe it! He stole this bit from Krusty!
Lisa Simpson : Yeah, well, Krusty stole it from Steve Allen.
Grandpa Simpson : Oh, everything's stolen nowadays. Why, the fax machine is nothing but a waffle iron with a phone attached.
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Krusty the Clown : All right, here's the deal: every time you watch my show, I will send you forty dollars!
Krusty the Clown Show Disclaimer : Checks will not be honored.
[in a low quick voice over]
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barney gumble. : We want chilly willie we want chilly willie.
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Krusty the Clown : Hey that dummy can't hurt you! He's not even alive, he's dead!
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Krusty the Clown : Now, Johnny, what you got for us? Some jokes? A little magic?
Johnny Carson : Actually, I thought I'd lift this 1987 Buick Skylark over my head.
[does so]
Krusty the Clown : Hi-yo! Johnny, that's amazing!
Johnny Carson : Oh, yeah? Get a load of this.
[He juggles the car over his head, while singing opera]
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Krusty the Clown : Here's a feature never before seen on TV - dumb pet tricks. Catch the rubber ball, Fifi.
[the dog goes for Krusty's nose]
Krusty the Clown : AH. SOMEBODY SHOOT IT. SOMEBODY SHOOT IT.
