Dan Castellaneta credited as playing...
Homer Simpson • Steel Mill Worker #1 • Barney
- [Homer is worried that Bart will turns out gay]
- Moe: Come on, don't take this so hard, Homer. You still got that other kid, uh... Lisa. Let's, uh, take her out hunting tomorrow; make her into a man.
- Homer: Aw, she'd never go. She's a vegetarian.
- Moe: Oh, geez! Homer, geez! You and Marge ain't cousins, are you?
- Homer: There's only two kinds of guys who wear Hawaiian shirts: gay guys and big fat party animals. And Bart doesn't look like a big fat party animal to me!
- Roscoe: [to workers] Hey! Listen up! I want all of youse to say hello to the Simpsons.
- Workers: [waving in a cliche, sissy-like attitude] Hello-o.
- Homer: [gasps] Has the whole world gone insane?
- Steel Mill Worker #1: [sissy-like] Stand still, there's a spark in you hair!
- Steel Mill Worker #2: Get it, get it!
- Homer: [whimpers as another guy walks past Homer holding a vat of hot steel in hot pants]
- Steel Mill Worker #3: Hot stuff, comin' through!
- Homer: [screams]
- Bart Simpson: Dad, why'd you take me to a gay steel mill?
- Homer: [frightened] I don't know! This is a NIGHTMARE! YOU'RE ALL SICK!
- Steel Mill Worker #4: [waving his hand] Oh be nice!
- Homer: Oh! My son doesn't stand a chance! The whole world's gone gay!
- [a whistle goes off]
- Homer: Oh my god! What's happening now?
- Roscoe: We work hard, we play hard.
- [pulls a chain, "Everybody Dance Now" starts playing as the mill turns into a gay nightclub]
- Homer: OhmyGod! OhmyGod! OhmyGod! OhmyGod! I danced with a gay! Marge, Lisa, promise me you won't tell anyone. Promise me!
- Marge: Homer, look! It's a TV Guide owned by Jackie O!
- John: You should see the crossword puzzle! She thought Mindy lived with "Mark."
- Homer: Give her a break! Her husband was killed!
- John: Oh, I know! Wasn't that awful? Hi, I'm John! Can I help you with anything?
- Marge: Yes, I have something that I'd like to sell.
- John: Please tell me it's your hair.
- Marge: No, it's an heirloom my grandmother passed down to me. A very rare, old figurine from the Civil War.
- Lisa: Please don't construe our ownership of this as an endorsement of slavery.
- John: Hmm, well see, here's the thing on this. It's a Johnny Reb bottle, early 1970s, one of the J & R Liquor lads. Two books of green stamps, if I'm not mistaken.
- Marge: Oh, no! Oh no! No, no, no, no! It's a very, very old figurine!
- John: No, it's a liquor bottle. See?
- [Unscrews the cap and pours himself a drink]
- John: Ah, that'll make your bull run!
- Homer Simpson: Why, you little...!
- [he starts choking Bart]
- Bart Simpson: Dad! Dad! Company! Company!
- Homer Simpson: [letting him go] Oh. I'll just be another minute, John. Have a seat.
- [he continues choking Bart]
- Homer: How can you love a box or a toy or graphics? You're a grown man.
- John: It's camp!
- [Homer stares blankly]
- John: The tragically ludicrous? The ludicrously tragic?
- Homer: Oh, yeah. Like when a clown dies.
- John: Well, sort of. But I mean more like inflatable furniture, or Last Supper TV trays, or even this bowling shirt.
- [He turns, revealing it was Homer's]
- John: Can you believe somebody gave this to Goodwill?
- Bart Simpson: I'm not gonna shoot a reindeer in a pen.
- Homer: Come on, Bart. Be a sport and kill Blitzen, okay?