Quotes

Flaming Moe's

Moe: Moe's Tavern.
Bart: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass, first name Hugh.
Moe: Hold on, I'll check.
[calls]
Moe: Hugh Jass! Hey, I want a Hugh Jass! Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!
Hugh Jass: Uh, I'm Hugh Jass.
Moe: Telephone.
Hugh Jass: Hello, this is Hugh Jass.
Bart: Uh, hi.
Hugh Jass: Who's this?
Bart: Bart Simpson.
Hugh Jass: What can I do for you, Bart?
Bart: Uh, look, I'll level with you, mister. This is a crank call that sorta back-fired, and I'd like to bail out right now.
Hugh Jass: All right. Better luck next time.
[hangs up]
Hugh Jass: What a nice young man.

Homer Simpson: [mumbling] Stupid Moe - non-inventing, recipe-stealing, pug-nosed...
Marge Simpson: Well, Homer, maybe you can take some consolation in the fact that something you created is making so many people happy.
Homer Simpson: [sarcastic voice] Ooh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the Magical Man from Happy-Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane!
[walks out, slams the door, then sticks his head back in]
Homer Simpson: Oh, by the way: I was being sarcastic.
Marge Simpson: Well, du'uh.

Mrs. Krabappel: Huh! Bart - are those liquire bottles?
Bart: Brought enough for everybody.
Mrs. Krabappel: Take those to the teacher's lounge. You can have what's left at the end of the day.

Homer Simpson: If there was justice, my face would be on a bunch of crappy merchandise.

Marge Simpson: So, Mr. Hutz, does my husband have a case?
Lionel Hutz: I'm sorry, Mrs. Simpson, but you can't copyright a drink.
Homer Simpson: [whines] Oh!
Lionel Hutz: This all goes back to the Frank Wallbanger case of '78. How about that! I looked something up! These books behind me don't just make the office look good, they're filled with useful legal tidbits just like that!

Homer Simpson: [Homer sees Maggie wearing makeup and a dress] That's it! I'm outta here.

Mayor Quimby: Hence forth this day shall forever be known as: Flaming Moe's Day.
Quimby's Aide: Ah, sir, this is already Veteran's Day.
Mayor Quimby: It can be two things!

Professor Frink: All right, according to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is... love? Who's been screwing with this thing?

[Playing "Truth or Dare" at Lisa's slumber party, one of the girls is dared to kiss Bart. She jumps him and does so]
Bart: [spluttering] I'm telling Mom and Dad!
Lisa Simpson: You're telling who?
Bart: Mom and Dad!
Girls: MOM AND DAD? JINX!
Janey Powell: [singsong] Now you can't talk, 'til somebody says your name!
[the girls giggle. Bart runs into the living room, where Homer is watching TV. Bart points emphatically at himself]
Homer Simpson: What is it, boy? Is anything the matter, my son? Talk to me, young man.
[In exasperation, Bart writes "SAY MY NAME" on a pad of paper and shows it to Homer]
Homer Simpson: Say your name? Why should I do that, my lad?
Bart: [exploding] Because I'm jinxed, damn it!
[Homer punches him in the arm]
Bart: Ow! What was that for?
Homer Simpson: You talked while you were jinxed, I get to punch you in the arm. It's not my fault, it's the rules.

Moe: People today are healthier and drinking less. You know, if it wasn't for the junior high school next door, no one would even use the cigarette machine.

[as he enters the now popular Moe's Tavern, Homer accidentally bumps into Mrs. Krabappel's butt. He then looks at her and notices she has a heavy make-up and that she wears a bikini top]
Mrs. Krabappel: Hiya, scrumptious. Do you want to ignite my drink?
Homer Simpson: You're my kid's teacher!
Mrs. Krabappel: Single parent, are we?
Homer Simpson: No!
Mrs. Krabappel: [hugs his back with one hand and suggestively touches his belly and then his chin with the other one] Well, let's pretend you are...
Homer Simpson: Get away from me.
[shoves her away and walks away from her]

[Mrs. Krabappel lies down on the bed in Aerosmith's trailer]
Joey Kramer: Mrs. Krabappel, I really need my drumsticks.
Mrs. Krabappel: [lasciviously plays with the drumsticks and then talks with a passionate voice] Come and get 'em...
[puts one of them in her mouth]

Moe: He may have come up with the recipe, but I came up with the idea of charging $6.95 for it.

Kent Brockman: [In the introduction to an 'Eye on Springfield' episode] And we visit with heavyweight champion Drederick Tatum who reminisces about growing up in Springfield.
Drederick Tatum: That town is a dump. If you ever see me back there, you know I really
[beeped out expletive]
Drederick Tatum: bad.

Barney Gumble: [after Homer, in a drunken rage at Moe, falls from the rafters onto the band] Holy cow!... He fell on Aerosmith!

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