- [Homer is sitting at the dinner table in all black with a balaclava on his head]
- Marge: Why all the black?
- Homer: Why all the pearls? Why all the hair? Why anything?
- Lisa: You look a little nervous, Dad.
- Homer: No, *you* look a little nervous, Lisa.
- Bart: You're up to something, aren't you, Dad?
- Homer: NO. I'm just going out now to commit certain deeds.
- [Homer is underwater]
- Chief Wiggum: That car thief can't hold his breath forever.
- Lou: And if he can, Chief?
- Chief Wiggum: Then God help us all!
- Homer Simpson: Hey, I thought your mother told you to take a bath.
- Bart Simpson: Yeah, Mom says a lot of things.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, I understand, kids. I'm not a bath man myself. More of a cologne man.
- Homer Simpson: Whatever happened to your mail order bride?
- Moe Szyslak: Oh, she got homesick for her old life; diving for tourist pennies in a Micronesian swamp.
- Homer Simpson: So, her career got in the way.
- Moe Szyslak: Ehh, I don't blame her. No girl wants to end up with a Joe Puke-Pail like me.
- Homer Simpson: Now, now, I won't hear of it, Moe. You're a fabulous catch.
- Moe Szyslak: Oh yeah? Well, uh, how come I ain't fending off movie stars with a pointy stick?
- Homer Simpson: Oh, its probably due to your ugliness. But, that doesn't mean we can't find you a woman!
- Homer: [in jail; looks out window and sees Moe singing about going to Hawaii] Hawaii? What about Hawaii? Moe, who's going to Hawaii? Am I going to Hawaii?
- Chief Wiggum: [bangs on Homer's jail cell] Stop saying "Hawaii" in there.
- Moe Szyslak: Homer, I need your help. You got to steal this car and wreck it for me.
- Homer Simpson: Steal? Oh no, you got the wrong guy.
- Moe Szyslak: Come on Homer, I'm one of your dearest friends... When everybody said you were to drunk to drive that time, who gave you your keys?
- Homer Simpson: Aww... You did.