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- Homer: Loyal citizens of New Springfield, you stayed on my side of town despite a total lack of hospitals and schools, and a sewage nightmare that threatens to consume us all.
- Carl: How do we get our food? All the roads are blocked.
- Homer: Don't worry. We have plenty of supplies to get through tomorrow. And then a wave of disease should help to...
- [seeing citizens starting to climb the wall to the other side]
- Homer: Hey! Stop streaming over the wall! At least wait 'til l I'm through talking. Okay, now, as for food, the following breeds of dog are edible.
- Kent Brockman: [talking about the people of "New Springfield" when a new area code divides the town] They tend to use low-brow expressions like "Oh, yeah?" and "Comere a minute."
- Homer Simpson: [watching the TV with Bart] Oh, yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart, comere a minute.
- Bart: You comere a minute.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, yeah?
- [the residents of Old Springfield discover gold in the river after Homer turns off the dam]
- Kent Brockman: Thanks, Mayor Simpson! From now on, we'll all be taking golden showers.
- [muffled laughter is heard in the background]
- Kent Brockman: What?
- [Homer tries to call Animal Control]
- Phone Lady: [special information tone] Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please make sure you have the correct area code.
- Homer Simpson: Area code? But it's a local call.
- Marge Simpson: The phone company ran out of numbers, so they split the city into two area codes. Half the town keeps the old 636 area code, and our half gets 939.
- Homer Simpson: 939? What the hell is that? Oh, my life is ruined!
- Marge Simpson: Jeez, you just have to remember three extra numbers.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, if only it where that easy, Marge.
- [the badger growls from the kitchen window]
- Homer Simpson: Go away! We got bigger problems now!
- Homer: [missing a chance to win free concert tickets] Ohh! It's not fair! I've been a fan of The Who since the very beginning, when they were the Hillbilly Bugger Boys!
- Bart: You should call that radio station and let 'em have it.
- Homer: Good idea!
- [dialing, he gets the "wrong number" tri-tone, and Bart laughs]
- Homer: Why, you little...!
- [strangling him with the phone cord, Bart then hits him on the head with the receiver]
- Homer: Ow!
- [getting hit again]
- Homer: Ow!
- [and again]
- Homer: Ow!
- [as they both grow tired, he lets Bart go and they collapse to the ground]
- Homer: [shouting a song request] "Magic Bus"!
- Roger Daltrey: [agreement from the other townspeople] Okay, we'll play "Magic Bus" if you tear down this wall.
- Homer: [oblivious] "Pinball Wizard"!
- Pete Townshend: Oh, hell, I'll do it meself.
- [he turns his amp up to "Whuh-Oh!" and strums the power chord of "Won't Get Fooled Again"]
- Krusty: I opened for The Who at Woodstock. I came out with a Beatle wig and a ukulele. Hendrix said he almost plotzed. His exact words.
- Sideshow Mel: [sarcastically] I never tire of THAT story.
- [armed with a bottle of chloroform, Homer approaches a security guard]
- Homer: I'll give you this bottle of chloroform if you take us to The Who!
- Roger Daltrey: [deleted scene] How are you doing out there, New Springfield?
- Marge Simpson: To be honest, it's a little chilly.
- [gets hit with a microphone]
- Marge Simpson: Ow!
- Roger Daltrey: Shut the fuck up, Marge!
- Homer: I hate this new area code. Like I don't have enough to remember already.
- [on his hand, he's written "Lenny=White" and "Carl=Black"]
- Homer: Is that right? Don't you miss the old 636...
- [checking his hand]
- Homer: ...Carl?
- Carl: I'm not sure which one's better. The six is closer to the three, so you got convenience there, but the nine has less to do with Satan, which is a plus in this religious world of ours.
- Homer: What really burns me up is they didn't give us one word of warning.
- Carl: What do you mean? They ran those TV commercials about it and that big radio campaign.
- Lenny: Don't forget the leaflets they dropped from the space shuttle, and the two weeks we all spent at area code camp.
- Homer: Not a single word of warning.
- Bart: Come on, Lise. There's gotta be a way to lure that badger out.
- Lisa Simpson: Well, according to whatbadgerseat.com, "badgers subsist primarily on a diet of stoats, voles, and marmots."
- Bart: [searching in a cabinet] Hmm, stoats, stoats...
- Lisa Simpson: Stoats are weasels, Bart. They don't come in cans.
- Bart: [showing her a can] Then what's this?
- Lisa Simpson: That says "corn," Bart.
- Bart: [checking] Must you embarrass me?
- Phony McRing-Ring: Hi, I'm Phony McRing-Ring, mascot and president of the telephone company, and I'm here to explain why the convenience of area code in...
- [an automated voice dubs in "your town"]
- Phony McRing-Ring: ...has been replaced by the convenience of two area codes.
- Homer: Uh, I have a question, Phony.
- Lisa Simpson: It's a movie, dad.
- Homer: Quiet, honey, daddy's asking the man a question.
- Phony McRing-Ring: You're probably thinking, "Sure, more area codes are great, and I don't mind paying the extra hidden fees, but how will I remember all those numbers?"
- [opening a closet, refrigerator magnet-like numbers fall out]
- Phony McRing-Ring: Whoa! Well, scientists have discovered that even monkeys can memorize ten numbers. Are you stupider than a monkey?
- Chief Wiggum: Well, how big of a monkey?
- Phony McRing-Ring: [laughing] Of course you're not.
- Lenny: [the film ends] Well, I'm convinced. A professional-looking film like that has got to be right.
- Marge Simpson: We can't go on fighting with Olde Springfield. These people are our neighbors. We see them every day.
- Homer: You're right. We've got to block them from our sight with a giant wall.
- Marge Simpson: Like the one in Berlin?
- Homer: Good idea. We should call the guys they used.
- Marge Simpson: [dialing the phone, he gets the "wrong number" tri-tone] Homer...
- Homer: [restraining his anger as the tone continues] It's ringing.
- Marge Simpson: [after going shopping in Olde Springfield] I don't know why, but I just didn't feel comfortable until I was back here in New Springfield with my own kind.
- Lisa Simpson: Mom!
- Marge Simpson: They were looking at me... with their eyes.
- Jimbo Jones: [Bart and Milhouse play frisbee in the park] Hey, look what I found, a novelty flying disc.
- Bart: Give it back. That's my novelty flying disc.
- Jimbo Jones: You're in Olde Springfield now. Everything on this side of the park belongs to us.
- Kearney: Hey, his pants are in our park, too.
- Dolph: Get him!
- [Kearney tackles Bart, and they steal his shorts]
- Bart: [getting an idea] My homework is in your park.
- Kearney: Let's do it!
- [taking the books from Bart's backpack]
- Kearney: Yoink!
- Dolph: [a few minutes later, flipping through a book] What does freedom mean to me?
- Homer: Loyal citizens of New Springfield, you stayed on my side of town despite a total lack of hospitals and schools, and a sewage nightmare that threatens to consume us all.
- Carl: How do we get our food? All the roads are blocked.
- Homer: Don't worry. We have plenty of supplies to get through tomorrow. And then a wave of disease should help to...
- [seeing citizens starting to climb the wall to the other side]
- Homer: Hey! Stop streaming over the wall! At least wait 'til l I'm through talking. Okay, now, as for food, the following breeds of dog are edible.
- Mayor Quimby: [Homer dams Olde Springfield's water source] They got us now. Without water, we're doomed.
- Principal Skinner: Wait a minute. What's that gold-colored substance in the riverbed?
- Dr. Hibbert: Why, that's gold.
- Mr. Burns: We're slightly richer!
- Bart: [at the nuclear power plant] Dad, I don't think this is such a good idea.
- Homer: Thank you, Marge. Now, let's see how Olde Snubfield does without electricity.
- [watching the power in Olde Springfield go out]
- Homer: Whoo hoo!
- Nurse: [at Springfield Hospital] Oh, no. You can't do heart surgery in the dark.
- Dr. Hibbert: Sounds like a wager to me.
- Krusty: [the patient] I'll take a piece of that.
- Homer: You rich snobs aren't pushing us around anymore!
- Kent Brockman: And what are you pathetic slobs going to do about it?
- Homer: Well, I...
- [trying to detonate his dynamite vest, nothing happens]
- Homer: Huh?
- [trying a few more times]
- Homer: Oh, nice wiring, Bart.
- Bart: It worked on the test corpse.
- Homer: Okay, plan B. Fellow 939-ers, I saw we break off and form our own city!
- Bumblebee Man: [with a cheer, they follow Homer out] Viva la revolucion!
- Homer: Now who's stupid?
- Homer: Now, I'm not one to make trouble, but it seems to me that everyone who got to keep the old, or "classic", 636 area code, lives on...
- [accusingly]
- Homer: ...the rich side of town!
- Mr. Burns: Ooh, poppycock.
- Mrs. Vanderbilt: [insulted] I never!
- [her companion's monocle falls into his martini]
- Homer: And, as usual, we Joe 12-packs get the royal screw job.
- Lisa Simpson: If you ask me...
- Homer: Stop right there.
- Lisa Simpson: It's stupid to divide the city over something as silly as an area code. It would be like you and mom splitting up every time you have a fight.
- Homer: Sweetie, you know your mother and I only stay together for the sake of my political career.
- Marge Simpson: That's not true!
- Homer: [spotting a paparazzo outside the kitchen] Big grins!
- [kissing Marge's cheek as their picture is taken]
- Homer: Mwah! That'll play great in the sticks.
- [finishing his coffee, he uses his "mayor" sash as a napkin; tearing it off, the one under it reads "time to reorder"]
- Homer: Oh, that was 50 already?
- Mayor Quimby: I say the time for bitterness has passed. Let us extend to our brothers in New Springfield the olive branch of...
- Homer: [hitting him with a can of Duff] New Springfield rocks!
- Principal Skinner: Go ahead and laugh. We have a better town bird.
- Homer: Oh, yeah? What is it?
- Principal Skinner: The bluebird.
- Homer: [unable to come up with something better] Damn it.
- Homer: [painting a "Welcome to New Springfield" sign] There, we're officially a city. Now we just sit back and wait for an NFL franchise.
- Arizona Cardinals representative: [approaching] Say, I couldn't help but overhear. I represent the Arizona Cardinals...
- Homer: Keep walking.
- Moe: Good decision there, Homer. You showed a lot of poise.
- Apu: All right, root beer, bananas, and toilet paper. 50% out-of-towners' tax.
- Marge Simpson: Out-of-towner tax?
- Apu: I'm sorry, Mrs. Simpson, but we have to charge you foreign devils more.
- Marge Simpson: All right, but this better be the best toilet paper I've ever had.
- Apu: Oh, no worries there. That's Henderson's toilet paper.
- Marge Simpson: [squeezing it, impressed] Ooh, why didn't you say so? Hey, is there a bathroom here?
- Apu: Not for you.
- Kent Brockman: As expected, New Springfield's bold experiment in slob rule is a disaster.
- Homer: Hey, the TV man is talking about us!
- Kent Brockman: A study shows their crumbling economy is due to their lazy attitude and shoddy work.
- Homer: How the hell did they find that out?
- Marty: Okay, time to give away free concert tickets.
- Gary Coleman: [recording] What'chu talkin' about?
- Marty: Whoa-ho. What we're talking about, Gary, is the Who!
- Bill: We're giving away tickets to next week's concert at Springfield's historic Yahoo Search Engine Arena!
- Homer: The Who? I love bands!
- Lindsey Naegle: [at a town hall meeting] I know that some of you are upset about the area code change, especially those of you covered with dynamite.
- [from his seat, Homer nods]
- Lindsey Naegle: First, let me reassure you your fears are groundless and your complaints, moronic.
- Moe: [murmuring from the townsfolk] That's good.
- Lindsey Naegle: [a screen lowers] This film will explain everything to you in words that you can understand.
- Homer: [after getting mauled by a badger] Bart, do you have any dynamite in your room?
- Bart: Tons.
- Homer: Get it.
- Lisa Simpson: No, dad, we don't want to kill him. Let's call animal control.
- Homer: Great idea. Then we should call a doctor about this.
- Lisa Simpson: [he lifts up his shirt, revealing a hole in his chest and his exposed internal organs] How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?
- Homer: What am I, a tailor?
- Homer: [after a section of the wall separating the town is torn down] Well, Marge, looks like your insane experiment is over.
- Marge Simpson: My experiment? You're the one who came up with this whole idea...
- [he makes her loopy with a chloroform-soaked rag]
- John Entwistle: People, please. What's all this fightin' about?
- Pete Townshend: Apparently, they have two different area codes.
- Roger Daltrey: Well, I'll be chuggered. That's a sticky wicket. Why not just buy telephones with auto ring-up? Or as you Yanks call it, speed dial.
- [intrigued murmuring]
- Roger Daltrey: Radio Shack has some great ones.
- Pete Townshend: Ah, says you.
- Mr. Burns: Smithers, why did you iron a crease in these dungarees? I look like a square.
- Waylon Smithers: Uh, that crease is in your leg, sir.
- Mr. Burns: Oh, so it is.
- Mayor Quimby: Give us back our concert, Simpson!
- Homer: So, New Springfield's looking pretty good now, isn't it? With our ample parking and daily Who concerts.
- Roger Daltrey: Daily?
- Homer: We'll talk.
- Guard: Oh, so you wanna see the Who, huh? Well, I'll take you to the Who.
- [throwing Bart and Homer into the band's hotel room]
- Guard: Here's your Who!
- Roger Daltrey: I thought we fired that guard.
- Guard: [sarcastic] Oh, yeah, right. I got fired by the Who. Whatever you say, pal.
- [whistling and doing the "crazy" hand gesture at his temple]
- Guard: Wacko.
- Homer: I implore you to move your concert to our town. Don't play Olde Springfield. Or, as it is sometimes known, Sun City.
- Roger Daltrey: But we have a handshake agreement with a concert promoter, and that's a sacred bond.
- Pete Townshend, Roger Daltrey, John Entwistle: Sacred bond.
- Homer: Come on, what happened to the angry, defiant Who of "My Generation", "Won't Get Fooled Again", and "Mama's Got a Squeeze Box"?
- John Entwistle: We know our songs, Homer.
- Homer: But those Olde Springfield squares are just gonna make you cut your hair, turn down your music, and wear frilly shirts like Keith Partridge.
- Roger Daltrey: [taken aback] Keith Partridge? Who huddle.
- [huddling and muttering together]
- John Entwistle: We'll do it.
- Bart: [high-fiving Homer] Yeah!
- John Entwistle: Just send a cab for us.
- Homer: What, is something wrong with your legs?
- Homer: Wow, the Who!
- [laughing gleefully, he smashes a lamp]
- Homer: Whoo! Rock and roll!
- John Entwistle: [Bart starts kicking the drum kit's bass drum] What the hell are you doing?
- Bart: Duh. Trashing the hotel room.
- Pete Townshend: But we promised the desk clerk we'd be good.
- Roger Daltrey: Yeah, we don't want to lose our pool privileges.
- Homer: Whatever. The point is, I'm Homer Simpson.
- John Entwistle: The mayor of New Springfield?
- Homer: That's right.
- Roger Daltrey: The crazy mayor of New Springfield?
- Homer: That's right.
- Bart: Well, dad, you're mayor of a ghost town.
- Homer: Oh, I can't believe those traitors abandoned us. They couldn't take one lousy famine.
- Lisa Simpson: [smashing the window of a deli, he takes a string of sausage links] Dad, you're bleeding.
- Homer: No problem.
- [smashing the window of a pharmacy, he takes a gauze bandage and wraps his hand]
- Homer: Anyhow, those rats'll come crawling back. We've got the Who playing here tonight.
- Lisa Simpson: Dad, the arena's in Olde Springfield.
- Homer: D'oh!
- Bart: Don't give up, dad. Maybe we can get the Who to play here instead.
- Homer: Hey, maybe we could. But we'll need some liquid persuasion.
- [going to a store called Just Chloroform, he smashes a window and takes a bottle]
- Homer: Come on, Bart. We're gonna bring back the Who.
- [kissing the bottle, he instantly becomes woozy]
- Principal Skinner: It's not like the Who to be tardy. I'm worried.
- Edna Krabappel: [hearing music in the distance] What's that?
- Captain McAllister: [looking outside with a sextant] Argh! 'Tis the Who! By my reckoning, they're in the scurvy depths of New Springfield!
- Moe: Homer stole our rock performance. That fat, dumb, and bald guy sure plays some real hardball.
- Sideshow Mel: Who's ready to riot?
- Pete Townshend: We were expecting a bigger crowd, Homer.
- Homer: Oh, don't worry, they'll be here soon, and then they'll see who's got the better town.
- [giving Roger a setlist]
- Homer: Now, these are the tunes I want you boys to play.
- Roger Daltrey: [giving it a once-over] Wait a minute. Homer, a lot of these are Grand Funk Railroad songs.
- John Entwistle: And we don't know "Pac-Man Fever".
- Homer: Oh, come on, it plays itself.
- [taking Pete's guitar, strumming and singing off-key]
- Homer: A Pac-Man fever/A-doodle-ee-do/It's a-drivin' me a craa-aa-aazy!
- [waving to Lisa]
- Homer: Look, Lisa, Daddy's in the Who.
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