Mit dir geteilt
- [first lines]
- Jerry: What are lawyers, really? To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has read the inside of the top of the box. I think one of the fun things for them is to say, "objection". "Objection! Objection, Your Honor." Objection, of course, is the adult version of... "Afraid not". To which the judge can say two things. He can say, "Overruled," which is the adult version of "Afraid so". Or he can say, "Sustained," which is the adult version of "Duh!"
- [about Kramer attending a baseball fantasy camp]
- George Costanza: His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down two thousand dollars to live like him for a week: do nothing, fall ass backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors, and have sex without dating. *That's* a fantasy camp.
- Jerry: [trying to not be funny] Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year's gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end, inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing.
- George Costanza: Would it kill you not to be so funny all the time? That's all I'm asking. This woman thinks I'm very funny. Now you're gonna be funny, so what am I gonna be? I'm gonna be a short bald guy with glasses who suddenly doesn't seem so funny.
- [first lines]
- Jerry: What are lawyers, really? To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has read the inside of the top of the box. I think one of the fun things for them is to say, "objection". "Objection! Objection, Your Honor." Objection, of course, is the adult version of... "Afraid not". To which the judge can say two things. He can say, "Overruled," which is the adult version of "Afraid so". Or he can say, "Sustained," which is the adult version of "Duh!"
- Jerry: What happened?
- Cosmo Kramer: Well, you know, we were playing a game and I was pitching, and I was really, you know, throwing some smoke! And Joe Pepitone, he was up, and man, that guy you know, he was crowding the plate.
- Jerry: Wow, Joe Pepitone.
- Cosmo Kramer: Well, Joe Pepitone or not, I own the inside of that plate! So I throw one inside, you know, a little chin music, put him right on his pants. Cause I gotta intimidate when I'm on the mound. Well, the next pitch, he's right back on the same place, so... I had to plunk him.
- Jerry: You plunked him?
- Cosmo Kramer: Oh yeah! Well, he throws down his bat, he comes racing up to the mound. Next thing, both benches are cleared, you know. A brouhaha breaks out between the guys in the camp and the old Yankee players. And as I'm trying to get Moose Skowron off of one of my teammates, somebody pulls me from behind, you know, and I turned around and I popped him. I looked down and, whoa man, it's Mickey. I punched his lights out.
- [last lines]
- Jerry: I am for open immigration, but that sign we have on the front of Statue of Liberty, "Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses..." Can't we just say, "Hey, the door's open. We'll take whoever you got"? Do we have to specify the wretched refuse? I mean, why don't we just say, "Give us the unhappy, the sad, the slow, the ugly, people that can't drive, if they have trouble merging, if they can't stay in their lane, if they don't signal, can't parallel park, if they're sneezing, if they're stuffed up, if they're clogged, if they have bad penmanship, don't return calls, if they have dandruff, food between their teeth, if they have bad credit, if they have no credit, Missed a spot shaving..." In other words, any dysfunctional, defective slob that you can somehow cattle-prod onto a wagon, send them over. We want them.
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