Jerry Seinfeld credited as playing...
Jerry Seinfeld
- Jerry Seinfeld: She lives with her parents.
- George Costanza: Really? Hey, maybe this will become a cool thing, living with your parents.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Yeah, then maybe baldness will catch on. Things will all be turning your way.
- George Costanza: Hey, believe me, baldness will catch on. When the aliens come, who do you think they're gonna relate to?
- Elaine Benes: So, how was the movie?
- Jerry Seinfeld: Ah, from what I saw, it was pretty good.
- Elaine Benes: What do you mean from what you saw?
- Jerry Seinfeld: Well, I, uh, I didn't actually get to see the whole movie.
- Elaine Benes: Why not?
- Jerry Seinfeld: I was kind of, um, making out.
- Elaine Benes: You were making out during Schindler's List?
- [first lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: I really feel, as human beings, we need more training in our basic social skills, conversational distance. Don't you hate these people that talk to you, they talk into your mouth, like you're a clown at a drive-thru? And handshakes is the worst. There's absolutely no guidelines for handshakes. You know how many people? Too strong, too weak. Sometimes they give you the three-quarter handshake, just the fingers. Early release, late release. Sometimes people will dispute your release. You've let go. They're hanging on. I have actually said to people, "Hey, the handshake is over." Too many pumps, coming in too high. Too sweaty. From too far away. Sometimes a guy will give you a strong grip, late release, and pull you in for the too-close conversation. To him I say, "That's three strikes. You're out."
- [last lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: Personal distance is a very important thing. There's a new personal distance: ATM distance. When someone's using an ATM, you want to be about 6 feet back, don't you? People get a little edgy around that ATM, don't they? They got their money out, their eyes are darting all around. The other place I want to be about 6 feet away is a urinal. You want some distance there too. ATMs and urinals. I guess whenever someone's taking valuables out of their pants, you want to give them as much room as possible.