- George Costanza: To think I'd fail at failing.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Oh, come on.
- George Costanza: I can't do anything wrong.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Nonsense. You do everything wrong.
- George Costanza: You think so?
- Jerry Seinfeld: Absolutely. I have no confidence in you.
- George Costanza: Well, I guess I'll have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and throw myself right back down again!
- Jerry Seinfeld: That's the spirit! You suck!
- George Costanza: I know!
- Jerry Seinfeld: By the way, Newman, when you booked the hotel, did you remember to book it for the millennium New Year?
- Newman: As a matter of fact, I did.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Well, that's funny. Because as everyone knows that there's no year zero, the millennium doesn't begin until 2001. Which would make your party one year late. And thus, quite lame. Aw!
- Newman: Cheap!
- Jerry Seinfeld: Kramer, these balloons aren't gonna stay filled 'til New Year's!
- Cosmo Kramer: Those aren't for New Year's. Those are my everyday balloons.
- Valerie: My stepmother is violently ill, so I hit the button for poison control and I get you!
- Jerry Seinfeld: Wow! Poison Control! That's even higher than number one!
- Jerry Seinfeld: So you want to go out in a final blaze of incompetence.
- George Costanza: Remember that summer at Dairy Queen, when I cooled my feet in the soft-serve machine?
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