Plot

Elaine is dragged to see the movie The English Patient (1996) on multiple occasions, even though she absolutely hates the film.

Jerry visits his parents in Florida. Kramer asks Jerry to pick up some Cubans while he's there, but Kramer doesn't specify whether they are cigars or not. The next day, Jerry has an encounter with Izzy Mandelbaum, the founder of the Magic Pan crepe restaurant. Izzy challenges Jerry to a weight-lifting contest, but when Izzy takes it too far, he winds up in the hospital. Jerry goes to visit and learns that Izzy, his father and his son are nearly identical in age, and each one challenges Jerry to a weight-lifting contest. Meanwhile, back in New York, Elaine is repeatedly dragged to go see the best picture winning film The English Patient (1996), but she absolutely despises it. Peterman nearly fires Elaine when she gets angry and leaves half way through the movie. Peterman gets so angry at Elaine that instead of firing her, he decides to teach her a lesson by making her go to Tunisia and live in a cave for six weeks. Jerry gets back to New York and Kramer learns that the Cubans aren't really Cubans but Dominicans. They then take jobs rolling crepes at the Magic Pan restaurant, but get fired and wind up becoming Cubans, hijacking Elaine's plane and flying it to Cuba.

Elaine seems to be the only person around who thinks the film The English Patient (1996) is the most boring movie ever made. People get mad at her and her boyfriend starts to avoid her. When Peterman raves about the movies she's reluctant to tell him what she really thinks and so tells him she's not seen it. He has the solution for that. Jerry meanwhile travels to Florida to visit his parents and is introduced to Izzie Mandelbaum, an octogenarian who is intent to prove to everyone that he is the fittest man in the room. Jerry also agrees to do Kramer a favor by agreeing to pick up some Cubans for him - only it turns out the Cubans in question aren't cigars.—garykmcd

At Monk's Café, a beautiful woman, Danielle (Chelsea Noble), mistakes George for her boyfriend Neil (Jeff Miller), a man who she claims looks just like him, except that George is taller and looks more fit. This intrigues George-he is flattered by Danielle, but he really wants to meet Neil.

Elaine and her date, Blaine (Todd Jeffries), are in a line to watch a movie. She wants to see a comedy called Sack Lunch; he wants to see The English Patient. When the former is sold out, they see the latter. The conversation among Elaine, Blaine, and some of her friends after seeing the movie has been cited often. Blaine loved the movie as it was very sensitive, although Elaine hated it for the same reason.

Jerry is going to Florida to help his parents move out of their Del Boca Vista condominium. Kramer asks him to pick up some "Cubans" for him and gives him a pale blue T-shirt that says "#1 Dad." When Jerry gets to Florida, his father Morty finds the "#1 Dad" T-shirt and proudly wears it despite its small size: Morty loves the T-shirt and this irks Jerry who reminds Morty that he bought a Cadillac for him twice.

At the Del Boca Vista exercise room, Jerry meets Izzy Mandelbaum (Lloyd Bridges), an 80-year-old man who cannot stand to lose any competition or dare (though he is not quite as bad as the Man from the South). Izzy promptly challenges Jerry to a weightlifting competition ("It's go time!"), but throws out his back. When Jerry and Morty go to visit him at his bedside to apologize, Izzy wants to compete with Morty over being the best dad after seeing the "#1 Dad shirt" and throws his back out again.

George becomes obsessed with meeting Neil to the point that he misses possible opportunities to date Danielle. Jerry returns to New York, where Izzy Mandelbaum has come to see a back specialist.

Kramer's Cubans arrive, but they are people, not cigars. Kramer knew they would be people; Jerry didn't. Unfortunately for Kramer's latest get-rich-quick scheme, the "Cubans" are really Dominicans who are trying to pass as Cuban cigar rollers; his plan to involve investors in making Cuban-quality made-in-America cigars therefore fails.

Elaine's dislike for The English Patient alienates her from everyone. Not wishing to upset J. Peterman (John O'Hurley), she claims not to have seen the film. Her plan backfires, however, when he immediately takes steps to correct the situation by dropping everything and taking Elaine to see it. While watching the movie with him, she becomes increasingly rude to the audience members by playing with her popcorn, sighing heavily, clutching her head, and shifting melodramatically in her seat until she finally can't stand it anymore. Elaine can't pretend anymore and admits to Peterman that she hates the movie. Peterman fires her on the spot.

In order to save her job, she agrees with Peterman's order that she take a trip to Tunisia (the filming location of The English Patient), where she must live in a cave.

Kramer fears that his unemployed Dominicans, whom he educated about communism, are planning to revolt. Jerry meets Izzy Mandelbaum at the hospital and both his son, Izzy Mandelbaum Jr (Gene Dynarski), and his father (Earl Schuman), show up, both of whom are as fiercely competitive and old as Izzy; they also injure their backs while trying to lift the hospital's TV set. The Mandelbaums unfairly declare that Jerry has now put them all out of work by forcing them into the hospital and that their Magic Pan restaurant franchise will fail. Jerry therefore finds work for Kramer's "Cubans" at Izzy's restaurant, rolling crepes. The Dominicans, however, roll the crepes too tightly, causing the filling to spray out and burn the customers.

George finally meets Neil in a hospital, after Neil was burned by a crepe. Somewhat like the English patient, Neil's face is heavily bandaged, so that George never does see what he looks like. When George flourishes a door key and asks Danielle to move in with him, she chooses Neil instead of him: "George, I can't move in with you. I'm sorry, but I'm taking Neil to a clinic in England." When she leaves the room, Neil whispers to George through his bandages, "I win." However, George gets the last laugh by pulling out his intravenous line.

During the end credits, Elaine's plane to Tunisia is about to play the movie Sack Lunch, but is hijacked by the angry Dominicans, who are all wearing pale blue "#1 Dad" T-shirts. Guillermo yells, "Everyone stay in your seats. And shut that movie off!" - much to Elaine's dismay.