Citazioni

My Screwup

Dr. Perry Cox: So how come you don't have to get all dressed up?
Ben Sullivan: I *am* dressed up. Do you see any holes in these pants? No. I'm glad you made it. Listen... there's one more thing you have to do for me.
Dr. Perry Cox: You can't keep me from getting drunk.
Ben Sullivan: You have to forgive yourself for everything that went down the other day.
Dr. Perry Cox: [chuckles] You are so annoying.
Ben Sullivan: Yeah...
Dr. Perry Cox: Okay.
Ben Sullivan: Good.
Dr. Perry Cox: Now, where's your camera? Aren't you... aren't you gonna take some pictures?
J.D.: [walks up] Pictures of what?
Dr. Perry Cox: You know, of crying babies covered in chocolate, people singing "Happy Birthday" to my son who have never even met him before... you know, the whole routine!
J.D.: Where do you think we are?
[Cox looks around. Ben has disappeared. The camera pans out and reveals they are in a graveyard, at Ben's funeral]

Dr. Cox: [to Ben] Where's your camera? Aren't you gonna to take any pictures?
J.D.: Pictures of what?
Dr. Cox: [Turns to J.D] Ya know, babies crying with cake all over their faces, people singing "Happy Birthday" to my son who they've never even met. The usual.
J.D.: Where do you think we are?
[Dr. Cox turns back and sees Ben isn't there]
J.D.: [Camera pans as they walk to reveal they are at a funeral. On the casket is a picture of Ben]

Dr. Bob Kelso: [Dr. Kelso finds Carla in the supply closet] I'm just here to, ah...
[looks around the shelves and racks]
Dr. Bob Kelso: ... get a nasal speculum.
Nurse Carla Espinosa: [Kelso grabs the device off a shelf and starts to walk out] I just wish I didn't hate that mole so much.
Dr. Bob Kelso: [Stops and sighs] I used one of these on my wife once. She's a terrible snorer. Used to keep me up all night. I made her have the surgery. 'Course, that only made things worse. Here's the twist. Now, whenever she goes out of town, I can't fall asleep without the sound of that gasping, wheezing woman lying right next to me. Trust me. If I ever met a Japan Air stewardess who snores like Enid, I'd marry her tomorrow. But here's the point. You might find out that thing you hate so much is the very same thing you miss when it's gone.

Jordan Sullivan: The only reason you're invited is that for some reason you own a Spongebob Squarepants costume.
J.D.: It was a gift!
[in his head]
J.D.: From me to me!

Dr. Christopher Turk: [Turk is about to have surgery to remove his mole] You guys, I don't want to do this.
Dr. Elliot Reid: Come on. No one's going to call you names.
Dr. Christopher Turk: I know, but...
J.D.: FACE!
[Elliot snickers]
J.D.: Butt-face.
[laughs quietly]
Dr. Christopher Turk: Listen: my butt is fabulous. A slice of that up here,
[points to his face]
Dr. Christopher Turk: that's just me spreading the wealth.

Jordan Sullivan: It's Jack's first birthday. I want it to be special. I got a petting zoo for the kids, and we need to figure out something great for the adults.
Dr. Perry Cox: How 'bout a russian roulette booth, and, here's the kicker. We put bullets in all the chambers. That way, everybody wins.

Ted: [Ted is shouting into a phone] You wanna quit? Then quit! But you, sir, are a Worthless Peon! And you will always be a Worthless Peon!
[Ted hangs up the phone and turns to Dr. Kelso]
Ted: Sir, you know my band? The Worthless Peons? Well, Chris from shipping and receiving wants to go solo. We lose him, we lose our sex appeal. He's the only one with hair. What do you think I should do?
Dr. Bob Kelso: Ted, you know my rule about personal problems. I'm not interested unless it involves my loved ones. Or possibly my wife.

Nurse Carla Espinosa: I just don't want to do this, Dr. Kelso, but I already agreed. What do you think I should do?
Dr. Bob Kelso: Well, Nurse Snickers, until now, you've just been white noise. But since you forced me to respond, let me tell you a couple of things that only a few people know.
[Leans in conspiratorially, lowering his voice]
Dr. Bob Kelso: I haven't paid my country club dues since the third quarter of '97. But I still tee off every Wednesday at 8:15 and take a bare-ass steam when the last putt drops. But more importantly, I really don't care about any of you or your problems. And you can confirm that with Ted.

Dr. Christopher Turk: You know, Elliot, you are eventually going to have to take off your sock.
Dr. Elliot Reid: If I do, then from now on, when one of you guys look at me, all you're going to think of me is "giant gross foot." It's like that security guard with the hook for the hand. All everybody thinks when they look at him is "big giant afro."
Nurse Carla Espinosa: [gasps] I DO think that.

Dr. Elliot Reid: Okay. I have a huge bunion. Sean's coming back in a few weeks. What am I supposed to do?
J.D.: Well, I think the obvious answer is to draw Sean's face on it and tell him you grew it because you missed him.
Dr. Christopher Turk: Or... it's a simple surgery.
J.D.: Uh, Turk, I think we already decided on Bunion-face.
Dr. Elliot Reid: [beat] Cut me the hell up.
J.D.: [quietly] Dammit.

Dr. Christopher Turk: You know, Elliot, you are eventually going to have to take off your sock.
Dr. Elliot Reid: If I do, then from now on, when one of you guys look at me, all you're going to think of me is "giant gross foot." It's like that security guard with the hook for the hand. All everybody thinks when they look at him is "big giant afro."
Nurse Carla Espinosa: [Gasps] I DO think that.

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