Scrubs (TV Series)

My Advice to You (2003)

Zach Braff: Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian

Quotes 

• Dr. Bob Kelso : The point is, sometimes what's best for this hospital *is* what's best for the patients! I know it, you know it, and guess what, Dr. Cox knows it, too. Although damned if he doesn't disagree with me just because I said it.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Sir, I don't think that's true.

  Dr. Bob Kelso : [hollers to Cox across the ward]  Perry! It's hotter than hell in here!

  Dr. Cox : Freezing!

  Dr. Bob Kelso : Great coffee, though!

  Dr. Cox : Rat piss!

  Dr. Bob Kelso : Dr. Murphy is an incompetent suck-up.

  Dr. Cox : No, Bob. In fact, he's one of the finest young doctors I've ever had the good fortune of working with.

  Dr. Bob Kelso : [to J.D]  Your witness.

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Danni, we need to move on, okay? No more thinking about our exes; no more waiting for the phone to ring; no more stealing her purse just so you can return it later in the hopes that she'll be so grateful, she'll use the money recovered to buy you a drink and *maybe* have sex with you after.

  Danni Sullivan : Did that work?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : I stole the wrong purse... And, yes!

• Elliot : J.D.! You know all those pictures of us from when we were going out? Do you still have those?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [Voice over]  Filed alphabetically in my "Elliot Cabinet".

  [Out loud] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : I don't know... I might...

• Dr. Perry Cox : Newbie, maybe I wasn't clear enough with you on Miss Bartow over there.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Here it comes. I'm incompetent. I'm a girl. I'm a little girl. I'm a little girl with pigtails that rides a tricycle.

  Dr. Perry Cox : No. Well... yes, but I am honestly trying to tell you that I don't think I was being clear with you before. In fact, I think I was being a pretty lousy teacher. Look, I think putting one in the Win column every now and then is what gives us the juice to keep plugging along in games that we know deep down we're not gonna win. And that's why I locked in so intensely to that patient. Because opportunities, they... God, they come along so rarely in this place. And when they do, you just can't let them slip through your fingers. You cannot. You know?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [Dr. Cox walks off] 

  [to self] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : I think I do.

• Danni : My sister just had a baby, so I'm doing the whole aunt thing. Plus, it's a really great excuse to run away from a relationship. My boyfriend just dumped me, so of course now I love him more than ever.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : So, is there any chance of you guys getting back together?

  Danni : Well, he's engaged, and he's getting married in two weeks... but, yeah, I think so.

• Dr. Perry Cox : We are going to try to wean her off of the vent today, so I want all of you people to give her most of your attention.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : I say we listen to Dr. Cox, and do exactly what he says.

  [J.D. overtly winks at Dr. Cox] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : That's unbelievable.

  [...] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : We are moving on!

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : You heard him, people! We're moving on!

  Dr. Perry Cox : Oh, God help me.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : ...God help him!