- Jackie Rogers, Jr.: I completely made that up, that was an improvisation!
- Sammy Davis, Jr.: I knew it, you lab rat.
- Sammy Davis, Jr.: [giving clues for the word 'pickle'] This is a little hot, spicy number.
- Rajeev Vindaloo: Rita Moreno.
- Sammy Davis, Jr.: No, babe. It comes from a cucumber, they let it sit in a barrel with its brothers so it becomes something else.
- Rajeev Vindaloo: A caterpillar.
- Sammy Davis, Jr.: Let's, eh, move on.
- [Escape the Germans skit. Characters are Americans pinned down in a French church during World War II. They keep trying crazy ways to get by the Germans, without any success]
- Sarge: Perkins! Up front, Perkins!
- [grabs a nun's habit]
- Sarge: . I think you can pass as a penguin.
- Perkins: Hey, Sarge. I don't wanna go out there.
- Sarge: [with suspicion] Why not?
- Perkins: 'Cause they're gonna see I'm not a penguin, Sarge. And then they're gonna shoot me.
- Sarge: How do you know that, Perkins?
- Perkins: Well, I... I figured it out.
- Sarge: Yeah?
- [pulling out service pistol]
- Sarge: Seems to me you know an awful lot about the Germans. A lot more than a kid who *claims* to be from Indiana should!
- [cocks pistol and scruffs Perkins's uniform]
- Perkins: Hey, wait a minute...
- Sarge: Campbell! Get up here! I think we got a Kraut on our hands. Test him!
- Campbell: What's Babe Ruth's real name?
- Perkins: Oh! George Herman Ruth.
- Sarge: [sarcastically] That's a good one, Campbell. Why don't you just ask him the one question every German soldier is drilled on? Get away from me!
- [shoves Campbell away]
- Sarge: All right, Perkins, answer me this one: Who played Rhett Butler in "Gone With The Wind"?
- Perkins: Rhett Butler?
- Sarge: Yes!
- Perkins: Oh, yeah, that was, uh... . Uh...
- Sarge: C'mon...
- Perkins: Yeah yeah yeah. It was a household word... . Uh... . Well, let's see. Uhm... . Ashley Wilkes was played by Leslie Howard...
- Sarge: Yeah...
- Perkins: Melanie Wilkes, that was Olivia De Havilland...
- Sarge: Yeah...
- Perkins: Prissy the slave girl, that was Butterfly McQueen
- Sarge: Yeah...
- Perkins: Mammy was Hattie McDaniels...
- Sarge: C'mon, c'mon! Rhett Butler, Perkins!
- [continues to egg Perkins on]
- Perkins: Oh, God, god, god! He was everybody's choice except the original director. That was George Vukor, but he got fired. I mean, you know, selfishly he wanted...
- Sarge: Who played Rhett Butler, Perkins!
- Perkins: Oh, god, I know. This is crazy. He's a big guy, he was opposite Claudette Colbert in "It Happened One Night",
- Sarge: C'mon, quit stalling! I got three seconds!
- Perkins: Big ears, big ears, little mustache, um... Clark Gable!
- Sarge: Wrong!
- [shoots Perkins dead]
- Sarge: Cary Grant, you Nazi scum!
- Saunders: No, no, it was Clark Gable.
- Sarge: Damn! Not again! I always get those two guys confused.
- [rushes to Perkins, who was being examined by Campbell]
- Campbell: Forget it, forget it. He's dead.
- [Sarge pushed Campbell back from Perkins]
- Sarge: [poignantly] That's too bad. He knew so much about film.