Sabrina the Teenage Witch (TV Series)

Quiz Show (1998)

Beth Broderick: Zelda Spellman

Quotes 

• Hilda Spellman : Didn't you once storm out in the middle of a class and never come back?

  Zelda Spellman : Yes, but that was only because they kept asking questions.

• Zelda Spellman : Guess who's going to be your new substitute teacher. Me.

  Sabrina Spellman : Great. You know, fitting in is hard enough without someone calling me sweet pea.

  Hilda Spellman : I thought I was the only one you called sweet pea.

• Zelda Spellman : Hi, Sabrina.

  Sabrina Spellman : Funny how you know my name and we are in no way related.

  Harvey Kinkle : Hey, Sabrina, your aunt's here.

  Zelda Spellman : You just had to tell everyone, didn't you?

• Zelda Spellman : Perhaps an analogy will help you. Say you have a sweater and a skirt that you always wear together. And say, one day, you decide to wear the sweater with a new skirt. Therefore, the new skirt and the old skirt both change into something different. That's exactly what happens to the copper.

• Sabrina Spellman : You know Libby, my mortal enemy? The albatross around my neck? That stinky-faced meanie?

  Zelda Spellman : Yes.

  Sabrina Spellman : That's the Libby you've become friends with. And now you've asked her to be my tutor?

  Zelda Spellman : Honey, I simply...

  Sabrina Spellman : Wanted to publicly humiliate me? I mean, I understand. Why not? I can't figure out this chemistry problem and I can't even think about trying to pass my elements test. Man, it would feel great to just disappear.

• Zelda Spellman : So when you add the copper to the nitric acid, what will happen? Then Mr. Copper Man marries Mrs. Acid. And they go on their noxious gas honeymoon. You have a question?

  Harvey Kinkle : The bell rang ten minutes ago. Can we go now?

• Zelda Spellman : Hi, honey. How was your tea?

  Sabrina Spellman : Pretty average, you know. There was music, little sandwiches, tea, of course. Oh, and I got my quizmaster fired.

  Salem Saberhagen : What kind of sandwiches?

• Sabrina Spellman : I'm so at peace with what's happened between me and the quizmaster. I believe everything happens for a reason.

  Salem Saberhagen : And that's why we call this stage denial.

  Zelda Spellman : Hi, sweetheart. How you feeling today?

  Sabrina Spellman : I can't believe quizmaster hasn't had the decency to call me after all the mean things he said?

  Salem Saberhagen : Welcome, anger.

  Zelda Spellman : Well, maybe you two just need a little time away from each other.

  Sabrina Spellman : [toaster dings]  Hey, I bet that's a letter from him. Get to the real grovelling parts.

  Zelda Spellman : No, it's from the Witches' Council. It says they're temporarily out of quizmasters, so you'll have to be home-schooled.

  Sabrina Spellman : Well, I'm sure you'll be an even better teacher than the quizmaster.

  Zelda Spellman : I'm afraid I'm too busy substituting to do it. It's your aunt Hilda.

  Hilda Spellman : You know what we haven't played in a long time? Goofy golf.

  Sabrina Spellman : No!

  Salem Saberhagen : And let's give a big warm welcome to sadness.