Roseanne (TV Series)
Trick or Treat (1990)
Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner
Quotes
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Roseanne Conner : D.J., instead of a witch, you wanna dress up like Madonna?
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Roseanne Conner : You can't judge your life according to what men think!
Crystal Anderson : What's your name?
Roseanne Conner : Don't you recognize me?
Crystal Anderson : Maybe you could refresh my memory, where might've we met?
Roseanne Conner : At Roseanne's house
Crystal Anderson : Roseanne?
Roseanne Conner : Trick or treat
Crystal Anderson : I knew it was you
Roseanne Conner : No you didn't
Crystal Anderson : I was just playing along
Roseanne Conner : You were ready to sleep with me
Crystal Anderson : I was gonna make you buy me dinner first
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Pat : Hey Bob looks like you're old lady's making a move on the fireman
Roseanne Conner : Yeah well we have an open relationship
Pat : Is that because you can't keep her in line?
Roseanne Conner : Well it's hard enough to control a woman that ain't inflatable!
[to Jackie]
Roseanne Conner : Yo bitch!
[quietly]
Roseanne Conner : You are making me look bad in front of the guys
Jackie Harris : Hey I don't see any ring on this finger
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Roseanne Conner : [At the urinal in the men's room] Hey, how you doing?
Pat : Fine
Roseanne Conner : You catch that Black Hawks game on TV?
Pat : No
Roseanne Conner : So you're a Bulls fan huh?
[Pat doesn't respond]
Roseanne Conner : Oh I get it, it's like an elevator
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Dan Conner : He's dressed up as a witch. Witches are girls
Roseanne Conner : This is the 90s, Dan, witches are women.
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Roseanne Conner : Darlene went as a pirate for 3 years.
Dan Conner : That was cute, this is different, if he goes out dressed as a witch, he'll come back with a bloody nose.
Roseanne Conner : That... is so stupid.
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Roseanne Conner : [Roseanne and Pat are about to fight] I'm a woman
Pat : You will be when I'm done with ya
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Pete : [Roseanne is dressed up like a lumberjack] What can I get for ya sweetheart?
Jackie Harris : White wine
Pete : And what about you fella?
[Roseanne is shocked]
Pete : Come on pal, I'm busy here, what can I get ya?
Roseanne Conner : [in a manly voice] Give me a beer
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Jackie Harris : Roseanne don't do it, you'll embarrass both of us
Roseanne Conner : Call me Bob
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Jackie Harris : Power tools?
Roseanne Conner : That's just their little code for fallopians approaching
Jackie Harris : What are they talking about?
Roseanne Conner : Y'know, their first time, their last time, how many times then they all spit and go home
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Pat : This brode is so hot, I thought she was gonna kill me, she pulls out this suitcase full of sex toys, I think this brode is freaky
Bill : As long as you're getting your battery charged, what's the difference?
Mike : As long as you're getting your car washed, might as well go for the hot wax
Roseanne Conner : I just don't get what she'd want with you when she's got a suitcase full of sex toys
Pat : Is that supposed to be a joke?
Roseanne Conner : Okay
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Dan Conner : [Dan's upset D.J.'s dressed as a witch] Why couldn't he have picked something normal like a vampire or a nice axe murderer?
Roseanne Conner : Like Lizzie Borden?
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Roseanne Conner : [as Bob] Yeah, every time my old lady starts giving me that crap about men and women being equal, see I just tell her, "You're so equal, well, let's see you pee out a campfire."