Roseanne (TV Series)

The Driver's Seat (1993)

John Goodman: Dan Conner

Quotes 

• Dan Conner : [about the dishes]  Hey. Sorry those weren't done.

  Roseanne Conner : That's okay, Dan. I know there wasn't time to do the dishes *and* fall asleep in a puddle of drool.

  Dan Conner : D.J. said he'd do them after his homework.

  Roseanne Conner : Now, Dan, I think dishes should come *before* homework. If he doesn't learn how to do dishes now, how will he get a job when he finishes high school?

• Jackie Harris : [upset that Roseanne spanked D.J., because her Dad used to beat her and Roseanne]  That has *everything* to do with it! These patterns repeat!

  Dan Conner : Well then you'd better look out, because my father used to *love* to hit his sister-in-law!

• Leon Carp : [Dan wants to talk about Roseanne]  No. No, I don't think so.

  Dan Conner : Why not? What's the matter?

  Leon Carp : Well, you're a rather large man, Dan, and if we discuss your wife, I could either say nice things, or I could be honest, and get my arms torn off.

• Dan Conner : I know Roseanne can be a little difficult... oh hell, she idles at difficult.

• Leon Carp : [Leon offers Dan a check to buy Roseanne out and get rid of her]  See! I knew it! I knew it, you are gonna hurt me!

  Dan Conner : Worse. For weeks I've been telling her that she's just paranoid about you, but I'm through defending you. From now on, you fight you're battles on your own... against Roseanne.

  [long pause] 

  Dan Conner : May God have mercy on your soul.

• [after Roseanne spanks DJ] 

  Dan Conner : Look, Roseanne, what you just did in there, it's not that big a deal.

  Jackie Harris : Yes, it is. You're not helping, Dan. Look, I know what you feel like. You have gotta talk about this.

  Dan Conner : Hey, she doesn't need you making something out of nothing.

  Jackie Harris : You didn't grow up in our house.

  Dan Conner : This is different! The kid had it coming. He could've killed himself!

  Jackie Harris : She was out of control. It was just like Dad!

  Roseanne Conner : Why don't you both just SHUT UP and leave me alone!