- Lisa: D.J., I was just telling David about that thing you do. Let's show him.
- David Healy: Oh that's not necessary.
- D.J. Conner: Nah, it's okay.
- [sticks a metal spoon to his forehead]
- Lisa: [ecstatic] I love this man!
- David Healy: I don't think you treat D.J. very well.
- Lisa: Do you have any idea the amount of crap I have to put up with for being his girlfriend?
- David Healy: Then why don't you break up?
- Lisa: Because there's one thing he does *very* well, if you get my meaning.
- Roseanne: [to D.J] Son, I am going to punish you so hard that they're gonna throw a benefit concert for you.
- D.J. Conner: Okay, I think I've got this.
- Roseanne Conner: Well you said the same thing about long division.
- D.J. Conner: I was going out with Lisa because I thought the woman is supposed to boss the man around, but that's wrong, nobody's supposed to boss anybody around.
- Dan Conner: That's right.
- D.J. Conner: So can I go to the lake with Lisa and her parents?
- Roseanne Conner: No because you're grounded, but your dad and I are gonna go to the lake with Lisa's parents.