Roseanne (TV Series)
One for the Road (1990)
Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner
Quotes
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Dan Conner : All right, Becky, what happened?
Roseanne Conner : And try telling the truth this time.
Becky : Look, it was no big deal. We had a couple of tornadoes.
Roseanne Conner : Oh, it was no big deal, huh? How come you lied?
Dan Conner : Who made them?
Becky : I made them.
Roseanne Conner : I want to know right now. Is this a new thing or a regular thing?
Becky : I've never done it before.
Roseanne Conner : Is that the truth?
Becky : [annoyed] Yes! What is the problem? You guys drink all the time!
Dan Conner : First of all, we don't drink all the time. Second of all, we're not talking about us!
Becky : Look, I have one drink and you guys act like I'm an alcoholic! Oh, quick, I'll call the 800 number!
Roseanne Conner : We are your 800 number, Becky. And if you got a problem, you better tell us about it right now.
Becky : We were bored. we were looking for something to do.
Dan Conner : You want something to do? Find me, I'll give you something to do!
Becky : I guess I just wasn't thinking.
Roseanne Conner : For God's sake, Becky, you're 14 years old!
Becky : Mom, everything I do, everything I feel, it's always, "Well, she's 14". I mean, when you guys do something, people don't go, "Oh, well she's 37."
Roseanne Conner : [after a pause] 36 and a half.
Becky : Whatever.
Dan Conner : You know, Becky, you're gonna find that when people drink, they mostly do it for the wrong reasons.
Becky : [sarcastically] So, what are the right reasons?
Dan Conner : Honey?
Roseanne Conner : You're grounded!
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Roseanne Conner : [after finding out Becky is drunk, to Darlene] What the hell went on here? Did you get in the liquor when you were playing the records?
Becky : [as Darlene hesitates, solemnly] I was playing the records.
Dan Conner : Wait a minute... Darlene, I thought you said you were playing the records.
Darlene Conner : Well, yeah. I mean... I got them out, but Becky was actually playing them.
Karen Hudson : Who was the bartender?
Darlene Conner : [to Becky] Wasn't it that girl who was over here studying with you?
[Karen glares at Darlene who smiles]
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Karen Hudson : [after coming in] I'll only take a couple minutes of your time.
Roseanne Conner : Sure.
Karen Hudson : You know, it's hard enough trying to keep an eye on my kid being by myself here. I kind of have to count on other parents to help out once in a while. Do you know what I mean?
Roseanne Conner : Well, no, not really.
Karen Hudson : [furiously] I think it's really crappy that I let my kid come over here and you guys just leave them alone in the house the whole damn day with an open liquor cabinet!
Roseanne Conner : What are you talking about?
Karen Hudson : My kid came home completely bombed yesterday, and she was throwing up half the night!
Roseanne Conner : Are you saying that my kid got your kid drunk?
Karen Hudson : That's exactly what I'm saying.
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Roseanne Conner : [to Becky] Dana was throwing up all night and you look like you've been reincarnated as a rag.
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Roseanne Conner : [to Becky] You know, I'm not so much bothered by the fact that you took a drink. I mean, you tried it, you got sick, you got caught. You know know what that's like. What really bugs the hell out of me is that I just can't trust you anymore and I always thought I could. You blew it big time.
Becky : So, what are you saying? That I have to be chaperoned for the rest of my life?
Roseanne Conner : Well, you tell me. Can I not leave you alone in the house anymore?
Darlene : Well, I could watch her.
Roseanne Conner : So, do I have to throw out every bit of liquor 'cause you can't get that kids do not do what adults do?
Becky : No, of course not. I'm sorry, Mom.
Roseanne Conner : Yeah, I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that I can't trust you anymore.
Becky : Yes, you can.
Roseanne Conner : Yeah, we'll find out I guess 'cause I'm gonna be watching you like a hawk. And maybe someday a long, long time from now, things will be the way they were before 'cause that's the way they should be.
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Roseanne : [to Mrs. Hudson] Well, I'm sorry I wasn't here to keep an eye on whatever the hell went on here yesterday.
Karen Hudson : I'm sorry too. I've got a 14-year-old girl at home with a hangover.
Roseanne : Well, maybe you should go home and take care of her.
Karen Hudson : Maybe you guys should shell out a few bucks and get a lock on that liquor cabinet.
Dan Conner : Thanks, but I think we know how to run our own household.
Karen Hudson : Yeah, well, don't expect to be seeing my kid around here anymore.
[leaves the house]
