Roseanne Barr nel ruolo di...
Roseanne Conner
- Roseanne Conner: [catches Dan eating ice cream] WELL, LOOK AT YOU!
- Dan Conner: [quickly puts the ice cream away] Gotta go!
- Roseanne Conner: I don't believe it! The very first week you agree to go on a diet, I catch you cheating!
- Dan Conner: Excuse me, YOU agreed to go on a diet! Oh...
- [Dan feels his head in pain and jumps like mad]
- Roseanne Conner: Oh, ice cream headache - brain freeze, huh? Well, you deserve it! You go have some warm tap water!
- [Dan does so]
- Roseanne Conner: I don't even believe you, Dan! You DID say you'd do this with me! You said that, and don't try to deny it! And you were cheating just then, too, weren't you, Dan? So don't try to deny that, either! You did say we'd go on a diet; and we are gonna diet, I say let's stick to the diet. Eating potato chips isn't gonna help anything!
- Dan Conner: Who's eating potato chips?
- Roseanne Conner: What?
- Dan Conner: You said potato chips. Who's eating potato chips?
- Roseanne Conner: [pauses] Well, I meant ice cream.
- Dan Conner: Yeah, but you said potato chips.
- Roseanne Conner: Oh, I can't even believe you, Dan! Don't you try to turn this thing around on me!
- Dan Conner: [suspiciously] I wanna see what's going on in this bathroom here!
- Roseanne Conner: [dashes back into the bathroom] NO, I TOLD YOU I'M TAKING A BATH!
- [slams the door at Dan's face]
- Roseanne Conner: [to Darlene] Hey, you stay out of this! It's your fault I got fat in the first place!
- Darlene Conner: Oh right. Like *I* invented double dutch chocolate.
- Roseanne Conner: No, but I gained twenty pounds with that pregnancy.
- Dan Conner: Me too!
- Darlene Conner: Twenty pounds?
- Roseanne Conner: Okay, forty pounds,
- [long pause]
- Roseanne Conner: with each kid.
- Dan Conner: Me too!
- Roseanne Conner: We gotta go on a diet.
- Dan Conner: What's this 'we' jazz? My pants fit fine.
- Roseanne Conner: Well my pants don't fit me.
- Dan Conner: Your pants don't fit me either.
- Iris: You know what's great exercise? Dodging machine gunfire on a beach.
- Roseanne Conner: Yeah because you know, you get all sweaty and then you can just dive into the ocean.
- Iris: Exactly.