- Mark Healy: You change your clothes 8 times a day?
- Astrid Wentworth: On average.
- Jackie Harris: We don't have 8 changes of clothes total. What're we going to do?
- Roseanne Conner: I watched that Martha Stewart, we'll be fine.
- Roseanne Conner: Say 'I'm not taking any crap from anyone'.
- Doris: I am...
- Roseanne Conner: Stop! It's not 'I am', it's 'I'm'.
- Doris: I'm not taking any... do I have to say the C word?
- Roseanne Conner: Yes you do, Doris, because that's the most important word.
- Doris: I'm not taking any crap from anyone.
- Roseanne Conner: That was good but are you serving tea, Doris? get mad and say it.
- Doris: [louder] I'm not taking any crap from anyone!
- Roseanne Conner: Good, now personalize it, make it your own.
- Doris: [louder] I'm not taking any damn crap from anyone!
- Roseanne Conner: Maybe if you'd yell you wouldn't have to drink all the time and start foreign wars.
- Doris: We don't start wars, we just profit from them.
- Grandmama Lily: Oh honey, we start them.
- Roseanne Conner: Now you won't have to take all those pills.
- Doris: I won't?
- Roseanne Conner: No, women who yell don't need pills. Men invented pills to shut women up.