Roseanne (TV Series)

Good Girls, Bad Girls (1992)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Charlotte Tilden : [to Roseanne]  Is that meatloaf you're making?

  Roseanne : Yeah, well, we'll call it that.

  Charlotte Tilden : I always put extra yolks in mine, you know. It's my special recipe.

  Roseanne : You're 17. You shouldn't have a meatloaf recipe. Go get something pierced.

• Roseanne : Molly, Molly, Molly. I have raised two of the best damn liars in the free world. Don't embarrass yourself.

• Roseanne : [to Molly]  Let's just cut the crap, okay? You're talking to Darlene's mother here. The mother of all mothers and she is majorly mad!

• Darlene : [to Roseanne and Dan]  Don't even bother yelling at me because no matter how mad you are, you're nowhere near as mad as I am.

  Roseanne : Well, don't bet on it! Where in the hell have you been?

  Darlene : Trying to get home. That skank woman Molly left me stranded in the parking lot, so she could jump in a van with some guys after the concert. I finally had to wave down a cab.

  Dan : I don't care what your story is. The rule is you call.

  Darlene : It was a bad neighborhood. When I finally found a phone booth, I got tired of waiting for the guy in it to finish peeing.

• Molly Tilden : [to Roseanne]  Why are you ragging on me?

  Roseanne : Cause that's what I do. I did it with Becky, I do it with Darlene, but doing it with you is even more fun 'cause I can yell at you all I want and I don't have to buy you a car.

  Molly Tilden : Yeah, that's right, 'cause you're not my mother.

  Roseanne : Fine. Since I'm not your mother then, I'm not gonna tell you how stupid it is to get into some stranger's van. And I'm also not gonna tell you how terrible things happen to stupid little girls like you every single day.

  Molly Tilden : I don't have to listen to this.

  [is about to leave, but Roseanne stops her] 

  Roseanne : Oh, but I think you do! Now, you want to screw up your life, I don't care, but when you leave this house with a Conner kid, you're gonna be extra careful 'cause Darlene is one of the few things we own outright.

• Roseanne : Oh you're right, Dan, teenagers shouldn't go to rock concerts, only middle aged married couples should.

• Roseanne : [to D.J]  What happened? Didn't you sell any candy bars for the Woodchucks?

  D.J. Conner : Not even one. Now I'll never win the prize.

  Roseanne : What happened to the umbrella?

  D.J. Conner : I stuck it in the door like you told me, but they slammed the door anyway. Then this dog came. We had a big tug-o-war and I fell back into a big puddle and some lady took a picture.

• Charlotte Tilden : Hey, Mrs. Conner. I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

  Roseanne : No. I just got this wife and mother thing going on.

• Roseanne : [to Darlene]  What were you doing talking to some guys in a van?

  Darlene : It wasn't me, it was her. I told you that.

  Roseanne : Right. She deserted you.

  Darlene : What, you don't believe that Molly would desert me? Why, because she's so sweet and cute and says "please" and "thank you, ma'am"?

  Roseanne : No, because she doesn't have a history of lying to me like you do.

  Dan : [after getting off the phone]  That was Charlotte. She just heard from Molly. Darlene, you'll be relieved to know that right now, you're in Molly's car driving back with her and you'll be home safe in about an hour.

  Darlene : I'll accept your apology over eggs and french toast in the morning.

  [Roseanne glares at her] 

  Darlene : Or, you know, you could just ground me and that'd be okay too.

• Roseanne : I seem to remember a little incident last year with you sneaking off to Chicago and me grounding you until... what are you doing out of your room?