- Roseanne Conner: [Jackie mentions that Fred overlooks vital areas in bed] You mean... he'll get in the elevator but he won't go down?
- Leon Carp: Well, if I wasn't gay before, I certainly would be now.
- Roseanne Conner: Well, if you wasn't gay before, a hell of a lot of guys owe you a big apology.
- Dan Conner: It's going to take years of us guys not talking to each other to get back to where we were.
- Roseanne Conner: Well, why don't you all cut your tongues out? We know Fred's not using his.
- Dan Conner: You're going to flunk marriage if you can't pass the oral... oh my God...
- Dan Conner, Fred: We know too much, we know too much.
- Becky Conner-Healy: Talking to David made me feel a lot better.
- Roseanne Conner: I bet it made you feel a lot taller too.
- Roseanne Conner: It's one of the great things about being women, you know, we can talk intimately in a way that men can't. You know, sober.
- Roseanne Conner: I was up all night too.
- Jackie Harris: Why?
- Roseanne Conner: 'Cause Becky and Mark were having a big fight in the next room and it's hard to sleep when you're wearing a stethoscope.
- Dan Conner: We're guys. When we talk about sex, there should be bragging, dirty jokes, and the occasional limerick. That's it.
- Roseanne Conner: So Becky shut Mark down. I wonder what his brain's going to do with all that extra blood.
- Dan Conner: [horrified at the discussion he and Fred had] Guess... what... happened... at... work... today.
- Roseanne Conner: Everyone... talked... really... slow.
- Dan Conner: HOW DARE YOU?
- Roseanne Conner: BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT, THAT'S WHY!
- Dan Conner: Do you know what I'm talking about?
- Roseanne Conner: NO, BUT I DON'T LIKE YOUR TONE!
- Dan Conner: There's only one way to graciously bow out from this, look down at our feet and walk away.
- Fred: Dan, this pudding is delicious!
- Mark Healy: Yeah, but how many calories?
- Dan Conner: Oh puh-lease, like you have to worry.
- Mark Healy: Hey, I got my problem areas.
- [pats his thigh]
- Fred: Oh puh-lease, I'd trade my waistline for your thighs any day.
- Dan Conner: What happens in our bedroom is sacred, Roseanne.
- Roseanne Conner: Oh yeah, that's in the Bible, right? A toe for a toe.
- Dan Conner: How would you like it if I told everybody our business? Huh? How would you like it if I went around telling everyone that you, are not all that interested in sex anymore?
- Roseanne Conner: Yeah, why don't you go around telling everyone how your wife constantly turns you down for sex? That would sure embarrass ME.
- Roseanne Conner: [drinking beer on the couch] Yeah you know, Dan's on my case saying I don't cuddle enough.
- Becky Conner-Healy: Oh my God, cuddling?
- [belches loudly]
- Becky Conner-Healy: I hate it!
- Jackie Harris: [smoking a cigar] I work all day, I come home, I want my dinner, a little zippity-do-dah, smack him on the ass and I'm out like a light.
- Roseanne Conner: Yeah, I always take a couple more minutes with Dan to finish him off, you know, cuz otherwise I gotta lay there and listen to him gripe all night long.