Roseanne (TV Series)

Don't Make Room for Daddy (1994)

Laurie Metcalf: Jackie Harris

Quotes 

• Jackie : [looking at Jackie's baby through ultra-sound]  Look at the little feet, and the spine. And what's on its head? It looks like it's wearing a little cap.

  Roseanne : Ohhhhhh, thaaaat's what happened to the condom.

• Jackie : [upset]  That is a legal document. Fred is suing me for custody of my baby!

  Roseanne : Oh my God. You're *kidding* me!

  Jackie : [hysterically]  No! It's all right there! He wants my baby! It's not even born yet, he - he's suing me for custody of my *stomach*!

• Jackie : I know what to do, we'll hire a hitman.

  Roseanne : Jackie!

  Jackie : No, I know what I'm talking about, remember that woman we saw on TV she hired a guy for 500 bucks?

  Roseanne : Yeah, and the reason she was on TV is because she got caught!