"Roseanne" Do You Know Where Your Parents Are? (TV Episode 1990) - John Goodman as Dan Conner

Dan : [the girls missed curfew again] We said 9:00, we meant 9:00.

Roseanne : Yeah, 'cause see, we have this really crazy idea that you actually listen when we speak. And when you're not here by nine, we figure you have a reason, and if we're not hearing that reason from you, then we just sit here and make up our own reason, like that you're laying in a ditch somewhere

Becky : We would've called, but there was no phone in the ditch we were laying in... Ha Ha?
Dan : Whatcha doin'?

Roseanne : Oh, I'm packing D.J.'s little duffle bag. He's going to stay over at little Warrens house tonight.

Dan : You think that's a good idea? I mean, isn't little Warren the one that tied all those squirrel together?

Roseanne : No! That was D.J.... Little Warren just stunned 'em.
Dan : [to the waiter] Yeah, 45 minutes for a rare steak; I'd ask for steak sauce, but I've gotta be at work Monday morning.
Roseanne : What was the second thing you noticed about me?

Dan : [chuckles at the memory]

Roseanne : What, what, what?

Dan : Ah, those big brown eyes. Like two chained Dobermans waiting to rip your leg off.
Dan : Aw, get off the sympathy wagon, Roseanne; there were plenty of guys standing in line for you to treat 'em like dirt. I was just the lucky one.

John Goodman: Dan Conner