Photos
Quotes
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Carlton Lassiter : Where were you the night of the last robbery?
Shawn Spencer : I was robbing a stereo shop.
[He laughs]
Shawn Spencer : I wasn't. I don't know, I guess I was doing the same thing you were doing: not solving crime.
Carlton Lassiter : You're not helping your case here.
Shawn Spencer : My case? Wait, wait, wait. I'm actually a suspect?
Carlton Lassiter : Oh, you're our lead suspect.
Shawn Spencer : I gave you the guy!
Carlton Lassiter : He had a partner.
Shawn Spencer : I have to find *that* guy? I'm confused. When do you start chipping in?
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Carlton Lassiter : I'm not going to let you just waltz around here like some kid in a candy store.
Shawn Spencer : Let me tell you something - I've worked in a candy store, and it was nothing like this.
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Carlton Lassiter : You solved all these crimes - what was it - watching the Channel 8 News Reports?
Shawn Spencer : All right, I confess, that's not true. Sometimes I watch Channel 5. I prefer Channel 8- the weather girl? Adorable!
Carlton Lassiter : So, you're telling us that you can read guilt off of TV interviews.
Shawn Spencer : Can't you?
Carlton Lassiter : Don't you try and trivialize police work!
Shawn Spencer : I think you're doing a bang-up job of that all by yourself.
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Shawn Spencer : I got the information because... I'm psychic.
Carlton Lassiter : Get him out of here!
Shawn Spencer : Oh boy!
[leans against the door, looks at the desk sergeant]
Shawn Spencer : Your grandmother would be so proud.
Desk Sergeant : You spoke to her?
Shawn Spencer : I did. She's safe, comfortable. She wants you to stop spending all your money on those charlatans.
Desk Sergeant : The palm readers?
Shawn Spencer : The palm readers.
Lucinda : Okay, just to be clear, um, you're claiming to be a psychic, Mr. Spencer.
Shawn Spencer : [moves his hands around until one is pointing at Lassiter and the other at Lucinda] How else would I know that you two are sleeping together? 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 1...
[turns to Officer McNab]
Shawn Spencer : When's the wedding?
McNab : May 3rd - wait, how'd you know?
Shawn Spencer : I'm getting dance lessons for a wedding reception and you are getting good!
McNab : Wow! That's amazing.
Carlton Lassiter : Oh, come on! Who's buying this?
[McNab, the desk sergeant, and a guy in a holding cell all raise their hands]
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Shawn Spencer : Does anyone have any binoculars?
Carlton Lassiter : No. No, see we don't carry binoculars.
Shawn Spencer : Ooh, never mind, I found some here in my pocket.
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Shawn Spencer : Detective... don't eat the chicken.
Carlton Lassiter : [to the waitress] I'll have the chicken enchiladas... with extra chicken.
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Carlton Lassiter : If I cut him open and leave him out here, you cannot testify against me.
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Shawn Spencer : Look, I've called in dozens of tips, okay? Just check it out.
Carlton Lassiter : I did. I checked out a whole lot of stuff. Like, oh, you're currently unemployed, never held a job for more than six months, and you have a criminal record.
Shawn Spencer : I was eighteen.
Carlton Lassiter : Oh, eighteen? Oh, well, that makes it okay. Let me just scratch this out.
Shawn Spencer : I borrowed a car...
Carlton Lassiter : You stole a car.
Shawn Spencer : To impress a girl.
Lucinda : Look, forgive us, Mr. Spencer, if this seems far-fetched.
Shawn Spencer : Would it help at all if I told you she had a bit of a reputation and I was O for... high school?
[long pause]
Shawn Spencer : Okay, fine, there were extenuating circumstances. The arresting officer was my father. He was trying to teach me a lesson.
Carlton Lassiter : Did you learn it?
Shawn Spencer : I learned I hated my father, so sure.
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Carlton Lassiter : Believable as it is that you solved all these crimes, what was it, watching the local Channel 8 news reports.
Shawn Spencer : I confess, that's not true. Sometimes I watch Channel 5.
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Carlton Lassiter : Don't you try and trivialize police work.
Shawn Spencer : I think you're doing a bang-up job of that all by yourself.