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- Chili's Manager: We have a strict policy here not to over-serve. Apparently, this young woman was sneaking drinks off of other people's tables. I Xeroxed her driver's license, and she is not welcome at this restaurant chain ever again.
- Oscar: The Dundies are kind of like a kid's birthday party. And you go, and there's really nothing for you to do there, but the kid's having a really good time, so you... You're kind of there. That's... That's kind of what it's like.
- Pam Beesly: You know what they say about a car wreck where it's so awful you can't look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.
- Michael Scott: A lot of the people here don't get trophies very often, like Meridith or Kevin. I mean, who's gonna give Kevin an award? Dunkin' Donuts?
- Michael Scott: TMI? Too much information. It's just easier to say TMI. I used to say, "Don't go there," but that's lame.
- Michael Scott: And this next award is going out to our own little Pam Beesly. I think we all know what award Pam is gonna be getting this year. It is the Whitest Sneakers Award, because she always has the whitest tennis shoes on. Get on down here! Pam Beesly, ladies and gentlemen! Oh, here we go.
- Pam Beesly: [very drunk] I have so many people to thank for this award. Okay, first off, my Keds, because I couldn't have done it without them. Thank you. Let's give Michael a round of applause for emceeing tonight, because this is a lot harder than it looks.
- [applause]
- Pam Beesly: And also because of Dwight, too.
- [silence]
- Pam Beesly: So, finally, I wanna thank God, because God gave me this Dundie and I feel God in this Chili's tonight.
- [pauses]
- Pam Beesly: [Pam whoops loudly]
- Jim Halpert: What a great year for the Dundies. We got to see Ping and we learned Michael's true feelings for Ryan, which was touching. And we heard Michael change the lyrics to a number of classic songs, which, for me, has ruined them for life.
- Chili's Manager: We have a strict policy here not to over-serve. Apparently, this young woman was sneaking drinks off of other people's tables. I Xeroxed her driver's license, and she is not welcome at this restaurant chain ever again.
- Jim Halpert: What?
- Pam Beesly: Nothing.
- Jim Halpert: Okay.
- Pam Beesly: What?
- Jim Halpert: I don't know. What?
- [Pam falls out her chair]
- Jim Halpert: Oh, my God! You are so drunk.
- [giggles and slurps on drink]
- Jim Halpert: I think those might be empty.
- Pam Beesly: No, no, 'cause the ice melts, and then it's, like, second drink.
- Dwight Schrute: Excuse me, everyone, can I have your attention, please? I just wanted to say that the women in this office are terrible. Especially the ones who wrote that stuff about Michael on the bathroom wall. Having a bathroom is a privilege. It is called a ladies' room for a reason, and if you cannot behave like ladies, well, then you are not going to have a bathroom.
- Pam Beesly: You're taking away our bathroom?
- Dwight Schrute: We are going to have two mens' rooms.
- Phyllis: But where would we... go?
- Michael Scott: And the Tight Ass Award goes to Angela. Not only because she is everybody's favorite stickler, but because she has a great caboose. So, come on down.
- Angela: No.
- Ryan Howard: [in regards to Michael giving him the "Hottest in the Office"] What am I gonna do with the award? Nothing. I don't know what I'm gonna do. That's the least of my concerns right now.
- Michael Scott: Was this year's Dundies a success? Well, let me see. I made Pam laugh so hard that she fell out of her chair and she almost broke her neck. So I killed, almost.
- Dwight Schrute: So, what's the joke? You're not perfect, either.
- Pam Beesly: We're not laughing at you, Dwight.
- Dwight Schrute: So, who are we laughing at?
- Pam Beesly: Just something somebody wrote.
- Dwight Schrute: Who, Dave Barry?
- Kelly: [laughs] No, no. Just something that was written on the ladies' room wall.
- Dwight Schrute: What is it? Who wrote it?
- Pam Beesly: It's kind of private.
- Phyllis: [whispers] It's about Michael.
- Dwight Schrute: That is defacement of company property, so you better tell me. Kelly, if you tell me, you'll be punished less.
- Pam Beesly: [laughing] Okay, now I'm laughing at you.
- Pam Beesly: [shouting into camera] Oh, my God! I just want to say that this was the best Dundies ever.
- [whoops loudly at the camera]
- Michael Scott: The "Busiest Beaver" Award goes to Phyllis Lapin. Yeah! Way to go Phyllis. Nice work per usual
- Phyllis: [holding award] This says "Bushiest Beaver".
- Michael Scott: I told them "Busiest". Idiots!
- Phyllis: It's fine.
- Michael Scott: We can fix it. We'll fix it up. You don't have to display that.
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