- Abby Sciuto: McGee, never forget: I am one of the few people in the world who can murder you and leave no forensic evidence.
- [after Ziva finds out that Gibbs didn't know that she had been assigned to his team]
- Officer Ziva David: [downhearted] I stand corrected. I guess he didn't know. I feel like a donkey's butt.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [puzzled] "A donkey's butt?"
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I think she means horse's ass.
- Officer Ziva David: Yes, that too.
- [after Gibbs has allowed Ziva to stay on the team]
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: You will be coming along strictly as an observer. Hand over all your weapons.
- Officer Ziva David: [small laugh] Is that really necessary?
- [Gibbs stares]
- Officer Ziva David: Right.
- [She unloads her pistol and hands it to Gibbs, who puts it in his drawer]
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: And your back-up.
- Officer Ziva David: [innocently] What back-up?
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Left leg.
- Officer Ziva David: Oh... that one.
- [She removes her ankle holster and hands it over]
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: And the knife concealed at your waist.
- [Annoyed, Ziva removes the knife and hands it to Gibbs. He reverses it and and hands it back to her]
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: You can keep this.
- [leans in close to her ear as he passes her]
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: I just wanted you to know that I know.
- [McGee walks in on Abby just as she is finishing changing her clothes]
- Abby Sciuto: See something you like, McGee?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: No!
- [She gives him a look]
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: I mean, yes.
- Abby Sciuto: Better.
- Officer Ziva David: "C.W.R.?"
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah. Civil War Reenactors. Guys who get together. dress up in period costumes, reenacting famous battles.
- Officer Ziva David: Why?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I've been asking my father that since I was 10 years old.
- Officer Ziva David: [putting her finger through a hole in the brim of her hat] Why does my hat have a 9mm hole in it?
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Ventilation.
- Officer Ziva David: [to Tony] You might want to do something about your hair. It's sticking up like a porcu-swine. Wrong word. Like a porcu-pig. The little animal with the little spikies, yes? The...
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Porcupine.
- Officer Ziva David: Porcupine! Thank you, Special Agent McGee.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [of Ziva] She nearly killed my team driving home from a crime scene.
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I should have warned you. She may have been an Eastern European cab driver in a past life.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: She knows nothing about being a criminal investigator.
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I knew nothing when I first started at NCIS.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Well, you were always a fast learner Jen.
- [flashback to when they were in London]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [at Manassas Battlefield] You know what my job was during these reenactments?
- Officer Ziva David: Little drummer boy?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Ha-ha. No. I was the one who had to scurry around carrying a bucket so these guys could take a dump. They called me their "little poo boy."
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Whoa, not so fast!
- Officer Ziva David: I always drive fast. It's the best way to avoid possible ambushes and IEDs.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, you're in America now, so you really don't have to worry...
- [She swerves around another car]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: How 'bout this? Slow down or I'll puke on you!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Do you know how many people are killed by bears in America every year?
- Officer Ziva David: No, but I can't imagine it's a lot.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You'd be surprised.
- Officer Ziva David: McGee?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: I think it's about 1.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: And you... you keep observing.
- Officer Ziva David: What exactly, Gibbs?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I don't care, just do it quietly.
- Officer Ziva David: Now I know why he took away all my weapons.
- Officer Ziva David: A Marine, dressed as a Civil War soldier, shot by a musket and then buried alive in a one-hundred-and-forty-year-old antique iron casket... and you're telling me this *isn't* your strangest case?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Pretty much.
- [opening the murder victim's safe deposit box, that was last visited by a man claiming to be his brother]
- Officer Ziva David: Ooh... we need to talk to his brother.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Definitely.
- [a shot of the opened box reveals a severed, desiccated human hand clutching an old map]
- [reading a text message sent by the murder victim]
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: "Only got half Oxbow not on his side Kearns don't let him get safety deposit box."
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: That's it?
- Officer Ziva David: He was buried alive, Tony. What did you expect, a soliloquy?