The Muppet Show (TV Series)

Paul Simon (1980)

Jim Henson: Kermit the Frog, Waldorf, Rowlf, Link Hogthrob, Muppet Newsman

Quotes 

• Gonzo : As long as I'm here, I'd like to donate my body to science.

  Rowlf the Dog : With your body, it would be donated to science fiction.

  Janice : To donate your body, don't you have to be dead?

  Gonzo : So what? I believe in re-incarnation.

  Miss Piggy : What would you come back as next time?

  Gonzo : How should I know? I don't even know what I am this time.

• Kermit the Frog : Gonzo, you're not going to sing are you? Why don't you do that act you rehearsed?

  Gonzo : What? Perform an underwater heart transplant on myself?

  Kermit the Frog : Sure, why not?

  Gonzo : I don't know. Last time I did it, I died!

• Link Hogthrob : Hold it, hold it, this is the Sheriff of Nottingham here, and you're under arrest for playing a lute without a license.

• Dr. Bob : Yes, I'm going to remove one of the patient's vital organs a great many times, whilst mentioning a Paul Simon song.

  Gonzo : Terrific! What's it called?

  Dr. Bob : Fifty Ways to Leave Your Liver.

• Statler : [Waldorf is asleep]  Hey, you old fool, you slept through the show.

  Waldorf : [waking up]  Who's a fool? You watched it!

• Kermit the Frog : OK, well, we've done a lot for the music-lovers on the show, so it's time we did something for the music-haters. So here he is, as threatened, the Great Gonzo singing a song.

  [cheers weakly] 

  Kermit the Frog : Yay. Uh, those of you with hearing aids may wish to remove the batteries.

• Miss Piggy : Dr. Bob, you don't look well. Are you alright?

  Rowlf : I'm still in shock from what happened to my last patient.

  Miss Piggy : But you cured him.

  Rowlf : You don't think that was a shock?

• Kermit the Frog : Okay. Good number, guys.

  Bobby Benson : I know, I know.