The Muppet Show (TV Series)

Edgar Bergen (1977)

Edgar Bergen: Self - Special Guest Star

Photos 

Quotes 

• Edgar Bergen : You don't know what you're saying.

  Charlie McCarthy : Yes I do, Bergen. I can read your lips.

• Edgar Bergen : What's the matter with you, Charlie?

  Charlie McCarthy : Well, if you must know, I'm lonesome.

  Edgar Bergen : Oh, you're lonesome? Oh, I should've guessed that. Sure. You miss the companionship of a beautiful gorgeous female.

  Charlie McCarthy : Yeah, yeah.

  Miss Piggy : [coming up]  Did someone call me?

  [Charlie looks toward her, panting eagerly, then looks back with shock] 

  Charlie McCarthy : Yikes! Don't look now, Bergen, but somebody left the sty gate open.

  Miss Piggy : Did you say something?

  Charlie McCarthy : Yeah, well, I was talking to Bergen.

  Miss Piggy : Mm-hmm.

  Edgar Bergen : Yes, he was just saying that he wanted to meet you.

  Miss Piggy : Uh-huh. Didn't sound that way to me.

  Charlie McCarthy : Well, me neither, and I said it.

  Miss Piggy : For your information, you overdressed splinter, my heart belongs to Kermit.

  Charlie McCarthy : You? You're in love with a frog?

  [laughs] 

  Miss Piggy : What are you laughing at, mahogany mouth?

  Charlie McCarthy : You know what we used to do with frogs?

  Miss Piggy : No. You know what we used to do with wood?

  Charlie McCarthy : No.

  Miss Piggy : Chop it! Hi-yah!

  [karate chops Charlie, but hurts herself] 

  Miss Piggy : Ow! Solid oak! Ah! Oh! Oh!

• Charlie McCarthy : Bergen, call the janitor. There's a toad loose in the theater.

  Edgar Bergen : Charlie, Kermit is supposed to be here.

  Charlie McCarthy : Yeah?

  Edgar Bergen : Yes. And besides, don't you know the difference between a frog and a toad?

  Charlie McCarthy : No, I guess not.

  Kermit the Frog : Well, you see, frogs are handsome, debonair and charming, while toads are ugly and give you warts.

  Charlie McCarthy : I see. I guess that means the toad is supposed to be here.

• Fozzie Bear : Listen, Mortimer, I didn't even know you were here.

  Mortimer Snerd : Well... say, maybe I'm not here.

  Fozzie Bear : What?

  Mortimer Snerd : Was I here yesterday?

  Fozzie Bear : Uh, no.

  Edgar Bergen : Well, then probably I'm not here today. I don't travel much.

  Fozzie Bear : Listen, Mr. Bergen...

  Mortimer Snerd : Am I supposed to be here?

  Fozzie Bear : Of course.

  Edgar Bergen : You'll have to excuse Mortimer. He's a little bit slow.

  Mortimer Snerd : Yeah, it's probably why I'm not here yet.

  Fozzie Bear : Wait, what do you mean, Mortimer?

  Mortimer Snerd : Well, if I was faster, I'd be here by now.

  Edgar Bergen : Listen, Mortimer. Take my word for it. You are here.

  Mortimer Snerd : Well, thank goodness.

  Edgar Bergen : Are you through?

  Mortimer Snerd : No, I'm here.

• Edgar Bergen : Kermit, do forgive Charlie. I know that he can be difficult and trying.

  Charlie McCarthy : I can be difficult without trying.

• Charlie McCarthy : Bergen, this isn't a television show, this is a zoo.