The Monkees (TV Series)

Monkee vs. Machine (1966)

Peter Tork: Peter

Quotes 

• DJ-69 : Take a seat please. To preclude the variable factor inherent in the human equation, we have instituted this new electronic personnel procedure requiring... Your name, please.

  Peter : What?

  DJ-69 : Thank you. Last name: What. And your first name, Mr. What?

  Peter : N - It's not 'What'.

  DJ-69 : Notwhat. Mr. Notwhat What.

  Peter : Wait a minute, that's not my name at all. My name is...

  DJ-69 : [interrupting]  Occupation?

  Peter : ...Peter, ya dig? Pete.

  DJ-69 : You dig peat. Occupation: Peat Digger. And your mother's maiden name?

  Peter : Thompson.

  DJ-69 : Mother's name: Thompson. Sex, please?

  Peter : Female, of course.

  DJ-69 : All right, Mrs. Notwhat.

  Peter : No, my *mother* is female.

  DJ-69 : What do you do in your spare time, Mrs. Notwhat?

  Peter : Listen, I'm a man!

  DJ-69 : In your spare time, you are a man.

• Mike : All you gotta do is stay very cool. And remember these three little words: Don't argue.

  Peter : That's two words.

  Mike : You're starting already.

• Peter : Oh no, no, that's not it at all. You've - First of all, you've got my name wrong.

  DJ-69 : Correction: Name misspelled. Please give correct letter.

  Peter : Well, I...

  DJ-69 : [interrupting]  Correct letter is 'I'. Name is not Notwhat, but Nitwit.

  Peter : Oh, brother...

  DJ-69 : Brother is also a Nitwit.

  Peter : Now, just a minute!

  DJ-69 : That will do, Nitwit. Test complete. Interview ended. Application rejected.

  [a dismissive bell sounds] 

  Peter : Give me a chance.

  Secretary : [door to interview chamber opens]  I'm sorry, you're rejected.

  Peter : Why do I have to talk to a machine? Why couldn't I talk to a human being?

  DJ-69 : Because, Nitwit, a machine avoids the human error, the human error, the human errroorrrrr...

  [machine runs down] 

• Micky : A Toy Factory, needs unskilled help, in non essential job requiring no experience and no training.

  Mike : Hey Peter, you don't have any training, and you sure don't have any experience. You're the only one qualified.

  Micky : Probably the only one in the city with those qualifications. At least the only one that can read the ad.

  Peter : Just think, they put an ad in the paper to reach me.

  Mike : That's right.

  Peter : Why didn't they phone?