Richard Briers: Hector MacDonald

Episode #3.10

Hector MacDonald

Hector MacDonald: [Killwillie doubts the thing Hector has deemed a great pike may not be a fish] What do you think pulled me into the water - a missing Soviet submarine? Well, come on. Any bright ideas?
Kilwillie: I'm directing every particle of brain-power at the problem.
Hector MacDonald: Hm, very reassuring.

[first lines]
Hector MacDonald: [to his new dog] And... fetch!
[the dog does not respond when the ball, except to look at a dog barking from the doorstep where he sits with the others]
Hector MacDonald: I'll explain it once more. Now, when I throw the ball - see the ball, see, made of rubber, round, all right, that's a ball - when I throw it over there, you run after it, pick it up, bring it back to me. All right? Quite simple. And... fetch!
[tosses the ball, again the ball looks after it but merely turns back to face him]
Hector MacDonald: You see, fetching - is what dogs *do*. It's a service performed by, uh, canus familiarus, that's the Latin for dog. It's what you do, uh, what all of us have done ever since we lived in caves together, you don't have to think about it, don't think about, just *do* it. Do it. And - fetch!
[the dog only whimpers when he throws it, glancing at those on the step once more]
Hector MacDonald: I can see you're going to be trouble.
[the dog whimpers]

Hector MacDonald: [muffled, with the ball in his mouth as he crawls forth] Now, like this, like that, let's go through it once more, and then you drop it, all right.
[releases the ball from his mouth]
Hector MacDonald: All right? Did you *get* that?
Molly MacDonald: [as he puts it back in his mouth and the dog whimpers as she calls from just outside the house] Hector - come inside, Archie's some sort of announcement to make.
Hector MacDonald: [muffled once more] In a minute!... Now watch, I'm ready, like that, all right, and you drop it
[releases it from his mouth again]
Hector MacDonald: like that.
[the dog gazes at the ball then back up at him, Hector stands]
Hector MacDonald: Well, at least I've solved the problem of what to call you. Come on, then - Useless.

Hector MacDonald: Archie, I hope this is not going to take *too* long.
Golly Mackenzie: I've got a map to pick up from the library, Archie.
Molly MacDonald: Archie, darling, I promised to give a talk for the Golf Club ladies on a new approach to sandwich design.
Hector MacDonald: And I'm going fishing with Useless.
Duncan: And I have something really important to do, as well... It's quite important.
Archie MacDonald: [shares an amused glance with Lexie] Well, shouldn't take too long, should they? Just seven words.
Lexie: Eight.
Archie MacDonald: [as a horn sounds outside] The thing is...
Molly MacDonald: [goes to look out the window] It can't be. Can it? It is! It's Jo! It's Jo!
Hector MacDonald: Hell.
Duncan: [following them and Golly toward the doorway] Will you excuse me, it's just that there's something more interesting happening, outside.
[goes]
Archie MacDonald: ...Lexie and I are going to get married. Yeah, you're right, it *is* eight words.

Hector MacDonald: Molly, I refuse to be insulted in the hallway of my own house!
Molly MacDonald: Would you rather be insulted in the hallway of someone else's house? That can easily be arranged!

Golly Mackenzie: [Golly hands Hector a fishing fly] Take this. If there are fish in that loch, and I'm damn sure there are, then you'll catch some with that. As Duncan says, it'll be as easy as pulling at a grab a granny night in a disco in Wick.
Hector MacDonald: I'm baffled by the allusion but I thank you all the same.