Mister Ed (TV Series)

What Kind of Foal Am I? (1965)

Alan Young: Wilbur Post

Quotes 

• Wilbur Post : Ed, I want you to consider me your two-legged father.

  Mister Ed : That would not work. Every day when I was little, I would always walk around singing "What Kind of Foal Am I?"

• Wilbur Post : Ed, if you're so obsessed with looking for your biological father, why not go visit your mother? Find out what happened to your father.

  Mister Ed : No! You think I haven't done that before? Every time I bring up the subject, Mom starts balling her eyes out. Crying and unable to stop.

  Wilbur Post : Your father walked out on her?

  Mister Ed : I guess. All I know is that she got custody of me.

  Wilbur Post : Yes, but when your mother was sold, I got custody of you, which makes me your father.

  Mister Ed : No, no, no! I want my true, four-legged father!

• Wilbur Post : Gordon, what are you doing here? I thought you would go down to Tijuana for the weekend to watch the bullfights.

  Gordon Kirkwood : That's not as much as thrilling and fun to see your father-in-law stick his horns into you.

• Wilbur Post : [holding bug spray]  Hold still, I'll get that fly for you. He's on the tip of your newspaper.

  [Wilbur sprays the bug spray, but the spray hits Carol's dad, bearly missing his face] 

  Wilbur Post : Dad, I'm sorry! The nosile must be on backwards.

  Mr. Hergesheimer : You head is on backwards, you kook!

• Gordon Kirkwood : [enters laughing]  Wilbur, I just saw the whole thing. If that's your way of making friends, how do you make enemies?

  Wilbur Post : I don't know. I can't explain it. Around my father-in-law... I just... I am not myself.

  Gordon Kirkwood : [still giddy]  Well, who ever you are you're not his type!

  Wilbur Post : I just can't explain it. I need to make him happy because if he's not happy, Carol is not happy. I am so afraid around him, I just can't think straight or do anything right. You know, if I had any sense I'd do it.

  Gordon Kirkwood : Do what?

  Wilbur Post : Sit out the entire two weeks that he's here in his airport locker.

• Wilbur Post : Well, your father's plane will be arriving in about an hour. I'd better go down to the airport to pick him up.

  Carol Post : You better let me go pick him up.

  Wilbur Post : Why? Don't you trust me to make a simple drive to LAX and pick him up and drive him back here to our house?

  Carol Post : The last time you went to pick him up last year for his visit, you came home with the suitcases, but left Dad at the airport!

  Wilbur Post : How many times do I have to apologize for that? I keep telling you it wasn't all my fault. You know your father never speaks to me. How was I supposed to know that he wasn't sitting in the back seat?