Ed O'Neill credited as playing...
Al Bundy
- Al: [to Peg] Come here a second, will ya? Let me tell you something. Now, just 'cause I don't go to bed with you doesn't mean I don't love ya. I mean, let's face it, even if you were beautiful - like that girl on TV - I'd still ignore ya. 'Cause you're my wife!
- Steve Rhoades: If you were to try this diet for even one week, you'd show her that you care. Then if you were both on it, you could both go off it. Together. Together is the key word, Al.
- Al: So all I gotta do is starve and be miserable for a week, then my life will go back to the normal hell it always was.
- Al: Dammit, Steve, we're men! It's our God-given right to watch sports and smut! Since when do we have to apologize for that?
- Steve Rhoades: I think since the Seventies.
- Peggy Bundy: [as she watches what Al is watching, on TV] Their dresses are awfully short. Would you like me to get one of those?
- Al: Why?
- Peggy Bundy: [to Marcy, as Al is watching "Gullible Girls Week' on TV] You know, if a maniac broke into this house right now and shot me dead, Al wouldn't even know.
- Al: [without looking up from the TV] I'd know.
- Steve Rhoades: You know what we learned last Tuesday at Marcy's women's club meeting?
- Al: [occupied with sexy stewardesses on TV] I don't care.