- Hal: Do you know Brian's daughter, Chandra?
- Malcolm: Yeah,
- Reese: Of Course.
- Hal: Well Brian's bringing her over tonight and I think she's bringing a friend.
- Reese: Kristen?
- Hal: Yeah, something, but Brian is playing poker, so I need you two to entertain them. Understand?
- Malcolm, Reese: Uh huh.
- Hal: I mean it guys, I don't want you bothering us. I want you and those girls in your room all night with the door closed. Got it?
- Reese: [to Malcolm] There's your birthday present.
- Brian: So Malik wins the breath holding. Abe got the most dip on a chip. Trey has the longest neck. Steve has the highest socks. And Hal, well Hal has nothing so far.
- Malik: What's the number?
- Abraham 'Abe' Kenarban: Whoa whoa whoa, we're not gonna do this. Just deal the cards, will you?
- Malik: Three.
- Brian: Four.
- Steve, Trey: Four.
- Abraham 'Abe' Kenarban: Five.
- Hal: Two.
- Trey: Two?
- Brian: Just twice a week?
- Hal: Per week? Oh, then fourteen.
- Brian: Fourteen? Come on.
- Malik: No way.
- Abraham 'Abe' Kenarban: No, he's telling the truth. believe me. I went on vacation with him. If anything he's underselling himself
- Hal: I guess I win. I mean it's really none of your business.
- Steve: I don't care how high you wear your socks, you ain't beatin' that.
- Stevie Kenarban: Dad, I...
- [uses inhaler]
- Abraham 'Abe' Kenarban: Stevie! How could...
- [uses inhaler]
- Stevie Kenarban: It's not...
- [uses inhaler]
- Stevie Kenarban: what it looks like.
- Stevie Kenarban: Well it looks...
- [uses inhaler]
- Stevie Kenarban: like she was on your lap!