Frankie Muniz credited as playing...
Malcolm Wilkerson
- Hal: Malcolm, you wouldn't happen to know the life expectancy of a bee, would you?
- Malcolm: I don't know.
- Hal: Great. What's the point of hauling around that giant head of yours if you can't retain a few simple facts?
- Lois: Hal, he gets enough pressure from school without his family piling on.
- Malcolm: [to the camera] Did Mom just defend me? Wow, this vulnerability crap is more effective than I thought.
- Jessica: [to Malcolm] Listen, Monday I need you to get your mom out of the house for a couple of hours after school. Take her to a chick flick or something. You should enjoy that.
- Malcolm: What for?
- Jessica: My boyfriend's coming over, and I'd like to have the house to ourselves, if you know what I mean.
- Malcolm: What?
- Jessica: Oh, good, you do know what I mean. I wasn't sure with that whole chasm of loneliness crap.
- Malcolm: You can't hook up in my house. I've never hooked up in my house.
- Malcolm: That's Jessica, our neighbor. Mom and Dad are letting her sleep on our couch for a week until her father's arraigned. Seems he got drunk Friday night, decided to track down her mom and tried to drive a street-sweeper to Mexico. She has some family issues.
- Jessica: Hi, Malcolm.
- Malcolm: You got the car? How'd you get the car?
- Jessica: I just had a little shopping to do, and your mom insisted I take the car.
- Malcolm: What do you mean she insisted? I've been begging her for weeks. Every time I ask, she says no.
- Jessica: That's where you made your mistake. I just got all vulnerable and poured on stuff about my dad. It was easy.
- Malcolm: No way.
- Jessica: Look, Malcolm, it's not something I'm proud of, believe me. It's how I've learned to survive in my twisted family. They're like a total cesspool of manipulation and emotional blackmail. Everyone screwing everyone over. I don't even know a true, honest way to connect with people anymore. It's sick. I'm sick!
- Malcolm: Jessica, wait. I'm sorry.
- Jessica: Ah, thanks for carrying my bags for me, Malcolm. Told you it was easy.