- Reese: [Reese thinks his Army buddy is hot for him] You were right, Malcolm. She wants me bad. This is a disaster.
- Malcolm: Why? You've got a girl that's crazy about you.
- Reese: It's just wrong. She's my buddy. The best friend I've ever had. But in a roll-around-on-the-floor-and-make-her-smell-my-armpit kind of way.
- Malcolm: Everyone has their own kind of foreplay. The important thing now is how you feel about her.
- Reese: It's hard to say. Now when I think about her, I get all nervous in my stomach. Like my bowels could cut loose at any moment.
- Malcolm: That's love, dude.
- Reese: Wow. You'd think somebody would put that in a song.