M*A*S*H (TV Series)

Fade Out, Fade In (1977)

Alan Alda: Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce

Photos 

Quotes 

• Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Major Winchester, sir, may I ask a question?

  Charles : You may.

  Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Could I stop by sometime for a cup of ego?

• Hawkeye : [after finding in his own bed the snake he and BJ had put in Charles' bed, to Charles, who is listening to classical music]  Clever, very clever.

  Charles : [looking over shoulder]  Please, Mozart.

• Col. Potter : [Hawkeye and B.J. learn that Major Winchester has permanently replaced Frank Burns]  Would you rather have Burns?

  Hawkeye : He was more fun to be cruel to.

• Hawkeye : [Hawkeye is talking to Major Burns on the phone, presumably for the last time]  Best of luck to you, too, Frank.

  Radar : [Hawkeye hangs up phone, then takes it and throws it out the door]  Hey, I'm responsible for that!

  [runs out door to retrieve phone] 

  Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : You seem a trifle irked.

  Hawkeye : The Army, in its infinite wisdom, has not only cleared Frank of all charges, they have assigned him to a Veterans' hospital in Indiana, and promoted him to Lt. Colonel.

  Radar : [an angry B.J. attempts to grab the phone from Radar, who has returned with it and is making repairs]  Oh, no!

  Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : I was just going to complain to my congressman!

  [attempts to grab it again] 

  Radar : Oh, no!

• Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : [Charles is listening to classical music on his victrola]  Hey, we got us a new record player.

  Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Please, Beej. Mozart. Have you no respect for classical music?

  Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : Are you kidding? I got the William Tell Overture... by Spike Jones.

  Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Oh.

• Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : [to Charles]  We're not any better than you. It's just that by sheer repetition, we've gotten fast.