- Caroline Ingalls: If you must know, it's for your birthday.
- Charles Ingalls: My birth... It's three weeks away!
- Caroline Ingalls: Charles, you're worse than the girls.
- Charles Ingalls: Alright. It doesn't matter to me.
- [Picks up the present he got for Caroline]
- Charles Ingalls: Of course, I bought a few groceries myself.
- [Caroline gasps]
- Charles Ingalls: For your birthday. I only have to work three weeks, you have to wait three months.
- Caroline Ingalls: Charles, that's not fair!
- Charles Ingalls: What's fair for me is fair for you...
- Harriet Oleson: Caroline, I want to hear all about your husband's dear ol' Uncle Rich!
- Charles Ingalls: Uh, his name was Ned.
- Harriet Oleson: Oh, well whatever.
- Charles Ingalls: You ladies have a good chat. I gotta get to work, Caroline. Bye.
- Harriet Oleson: Now Caroline, I want to know all about your husband's dear ol' Uncle Rich.
- Charles Ingalls: Ned.
- Harriet Oleson: Oh yes...
- Charles Ingalls: You want them to pity us and then feel happy for us.
- Harvey Woods: Exactly. And look at you. Look at this farm. You're prosperous!
- Charles Ingalls: Well I'm sorry that we're not as poor as you'd hoped!
- Jonathan Garvey: I bought your farm.
- Charles Ingalls: I would have felt a lot better if a stranger had bought it, Jonathan.
- Jonathan Garvey: I couldn't turn it down, Charles. I only had to pay two cents for it.
- Lars Hanson: Charles, where are you going?
- Charles Ingalls: I'm going home. I don't have to work anymore. Haven't you heard, I'm rich!